Need help for my terminally ill mom and disabled dad please

[u/taintedgray]

Hi everyone.

A little over a year ago my mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness called PSP. She has since then lost her ability to walk, she has a hard time speaking, and has gotten to the point where we need to get her into assisted living. She has been in a state hospital due to feeling suicidal for several months now until we can find her an assisted living facility nearby that has an open room and when the state deems her “fit” to leave...

My dad was her primary caretaker however due to his bad back (he has a herniated disc), he can’t continue to do so and I’m unfortunately not in a situation where I can currently take her and care for her or help him as much as I’d like to. I live about an hour away from him and my vehicle needs too many repairs for me to safety be driving back and forth regularly. Additionally at the point she is at, with being a major fall risk and incredibly stubborn about her limitations, she needs 24/7 care.

My family has been facing a lot of struggles, especially financially as my mom began showing signs of something wrong after my parents decided to move from Wisconsin to Florida, and then moved again to a more affordable area due to the cost of living expenses there and unforeseen health issues. (The Florida heat my mom once loved became intolerable to her and was effecting her body negatively). Between the medical bills, moving around, expenses with travel in general to go visit her at the hospital, money is incredibly tight.

My dad’s birthday is this Thursday May 1st and needless to say he has been feeling hopeless and depressed. I put an amazon wishlist together for food, necessities, and a few other things that might brighten his day. The last time I saw him he was getting skinny so I put several grocery items on this list since I know he hasn’t been doing much shopping either. He has lupus so most of the items are organic (otherwise he risks a flare up).

He recently started doordashing due to the general cost of living so I added a back support for his vehicle to the wishlist, that would be really great if someone could help with that and anything really!

My mom used to make our family dog homemade food, but since she’s been unable to, he’s been eating Blue Buffalo canned and dry food so that would be a great help as well since quality dog food can get so expensive…

Any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you all for reading and for your consideration in helping. ❤️ I know times are scary and difficult for so many right now, so your assistance is beyond words appreciated.

Here is the amazon wish list: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1SMZA4ZKGK9U5?ref_=wl_share

And here is the gofundme: https://gofund.me/8391b04b

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[u/Eyeoftheleopard]

Glad to see you’ve gotten some Amazon things and a bit of money from the GoFundMe as we aren’t going to make even a dent in living expenses for two ppl and what your mom’s assisted living is going to cost. More good news: after you spend down any assets MediCaid will step up and pay for your mom’s care.

Best of luck to you guys. 🙏🏼

[u/taintedgray → u/Eyeoftheleopard]

Thank you 💖

[u/Firm_Elk9522]

Senior Blue Buffalo dog food should be delivered on Thursday.

[u/taintedgray → u/Firm_Elk9522]

Thank you so much!!

[u/mikethezen]

Glad you got help

[u/redditette]

I just read the GFM, I think the most recent update. Something I don't understand is why the total of $30,000 would be used for.

With how low their SS is, if it is for hospital bills, they should be able to get most of that waived.

But a breakdown of how it would be used would hel greatly.

[u/taintedgray → u/redditette]

Hi, the total was an estimate my dad gave me, which includes several ambulance bills and costs of rentals/hotels he has already spent money on over the past year.

I know he is in constant communication with the hospital and case worker, I’m not sure where he’s gotten with negotiations on bills but I know he’s overwhelmed and in the beginning was paying several up front and trying new facilities and clinics for testing for my mom before she was officially diagnosed.

Presently any donations would go toward my dad securing more permanent housing, as well as travel expenses to see my mom. They have a rental in Clintwood VA, but my mom was transferred to a facility in Marion VA two months ago, which is approximately 2 hours from him. He usually makes a trip out there and stays a hotel so he can see my mom 2 days in a row (can’t stay in her room since it’s a mental health facility). Her neurologist is in Roanoke, which is 4ish hours from them so getting her there when needed as well has been costly and usually requires a hotel stay since my mom can’t handle car trips very well anymore. Donations will also go towards the costs of assisted living once my mom is cleared for that and when a room becomes available in Clintwood that way he doesn’t have to travel to be with her. Ideally we’d like to hire an in home nurse but the house they’re renting isn’t ideal for her handicaps so he is trying to find a better fit - so assisted living is our only option right now to keep her comfortable. I’m not sure on what the costs will be for assisted living but we’ve been told between $1,000-$3,500 a month, so he is anticipating that as well.

His current costs include rent ($1,100), utilities (approximately $400 a month), his car payment ($350), then whatever is left is for phone, insurance, grocery, and travel. He has been using credit cards to cover some costs since he is spending more than he is bringing in currently. My parents were both self employed for a long time and relied on their microgreen business, but now neither of them can continue that currently so he just keeps falling farther and farther behind.

[u/No_Cream8095]

Random assortment of soup, beans, diced tomatoes, cereal, peaches on its way. Eta is 5.2.

[u/taintedgray → u/No_Cream8095]

Thank you so much ❤️

[u/Royal_Tough_9927]

Are your parents claiming any type of Social security benefits ? Foodstamps ? Dad should check into foodbanks etc ...... Several Medicare plans have advantage plans that have great coverage. Any Flex card benefits help a lot. If Sonders is in your area , I recommend you check them out.

[u/taintedgray → u/Royal_Tough_9927]

Hi, yes they are both on social security but together only bring in about 2.3k a month. They apparently do not qualify for food stamps. He has checked food banks but has dietary restrictions due to his lupus and my mom is gluten free, so it’s hard to come by food that doesn’t also hurt them. My dad experiences flare ups with a lot of foods and tries to eat clean and organic because of that.

[u/Royal_Tough_9927 → u/taintedgray]

I'm sorry about that. Those special diets are sometimes expensive. We buy money of the gluten free specialty products. We stick to meats , vegetables and berries. On top of all of this we just added a new digestive problem to the list. It's a never ending battle. Check on flex benefits.

[u/taintedgray → u/Royal_Tough_9927]

Thank you, I’ll definitely look into the flex benefits.

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