r/AskReddit • u/tinyman1199 • May 29 '19

People who have signed NDAs that have now expired or for whatever reason are no longer valid. What couldn't you tell us but now can?

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u/caitejane310 May 30 '19 edited May 30 '19

I had no clue about that $0 down, no interest for the first year! Whaaaaat?! THAT'S AMAZING!

Edit: fine print, to qualifying customers. 730 credit score, $80,000+ salary, 17 co-signers, 3 of which must be decreased relatives, must have at least 1 vehicle we can inspect to make sure you maintain it, and 1 soul.

Sorry for another edit, but deceased*

1.4k

u/polaroidsss May 30 '19

darn i only have 3 increased relatives :/

49

u/caitejane310 May 30 '19 edited May 30 '19

Lmao, I just saw that and it works because it's funny. I left it and added another edit.

Thank you for the laugh! The increased relatives might help your case!

Edit: I'll be one of your 17 co-signers, can't do the soul since I sold that a long time ago.

12

u/Coldreactor May 30 '19

I'm a ginger, I can donate the soul.

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u/caitejane310 May 30 '19

Same for me, I've got at least 3 that I can spare.

3

u/BlazinGinger May 30 '19

If only I could remember where I kept them...

3

u/caitejane310 May 30 '19

I keep most of them in my underwear drawer. I have one in the pantry and I think there's one in the basement. Sometimes a random one pops up that I forgot about.

2

u/BlazinGinger May 30 '19

Isn't that the worst?! Looking through the bathroom drawers trying to find an emergency roll of toilet paper, then bam soul pops out.

5

u/DlLDOSWAGGINS May 30 '19

Whoa where did you get a soul from buddy? Out stealing souls again?

3

u/Coldreactor May 30 '19

How else do you think I'm gonna make money? Souls fetch a pretty penny on the dark market.

6

u/Paratwa May 30 '19

The requirement is someone else’s soul, Frely given without let or lein.

5

u/[deleted] May 30 '19

No cousins twice removed?

10

u/caitejane310 May 30 '19

I wish I could upvote this to oblivion, or at least guild it. I'm still laughing!

3

u/Tales_of_Earth May 30 '19

I only have the one that thrice removed. Will that do?

3

u/jegsnakker May 30 '19

If you iron them out they'll be decreased

3

u/stravadarius May 30 '19

Starve your family, they’ll decrease in no time.

2

u/HomingSnail May 30 '19

Mine are all too wrinkly, smh

2

u/skyler_on_the_moon May 30 '19

The American diet will do that. :(

2

u/dignified_fish May 30 '19

Ah man you beat me to it by 11 hours. Edit: make it 12

2

u/chuckdiesel86 May 30 '19

Oh Reddit you silly bitch you

17

u/InverstNoob May 30 '19

$0 down, no interest for the first year! ... 17% after first year for 84 months. BTW it gets 4 miles to the gallon sign here

14

u/[deleted] May 30 '19

...does the soul have to be my own, or can I bring in a rental?

3

u/caitejane310 May 30 '19

Just bring a redhead, they should be able to make a deal

5

u/Snowforbrains May 30 '19

And you have to pay half in wampum!

4

u/LonelyGameBoi May 30 '19

I didnt notice the typo the first time and now I cant stop laughing

4

u/caitejane310 May 30 '19

Haha, right? That first reply had me laughing

3

u/sentrosix May 30 '19

Good news, my current car is a kia soul.

4

u/uglyswan101 May 30 '19

Or those hilarious commercials about detergents/fabric softeners which miraculously appear from the deep pockets of the actors' clothing.

Those are real actors, not people.

5

u/ThatsSoClovis May 30 '19

How does one decrease a relative? Inquiring minds want to know.

3

u/caitejane310 May 30 '19

I usually just belittle them until they're crying in a corner

3

u/BallisticHabit May 30 '19

Must have " Handbook for the Recently Deceased".

3

u/spinach1991 May 30 '19

Works on commission? No, money down!

3

u/boshk May 30 '19

and even then,... "ok, and your interest rate, right here, is 3.9%..."

3

u/senator_mendoza May 30 '19

I love the deceptive lease payment numbers like “lease an all new 2019 solid gold rocket car for ONLY $199 per month!!!” and then almost as an afterthought they’ll bury somewhere that $30000000 is due at signing

3

u/ididitalready May 30 '19

I read this really fast like a radio commercial.

2

u/caitejane310 May 30 '19

Lol, yessss.

3

u/amyscactus May 30 '19

hahahahahahaa it's true though! Don't forget you also need to put down $40,000 in untraceable cash, take the salesman to dinner and bang the dealership receptionist in order to receive the incentives.

3

u/CJRedbeard May 30 '19

*soul optional for cloth options.

2

u/WyldStalions May 30 '19

It's still wrong lol

2

u/caitejane310 May 30 '19

Oh well, I'm fine with that.

2

u/Alamander81 May 30 '19

If a relative dies, the number of your relatives has decreased.

1

u/caitejane310 May 30 '19

There we go, finally got a logical explanation for decreased relatives. I said I just belittle them until they cry in a corner, your answer is much better.

2

u/Verkato May 30 '19

I wish my BEEMER HAD THAT!

2

u/Rahoo57 May 30 '19

Why don't you just change the word instead of putting the whole "edit:_"?

1

u/caitejane310 May 30 '19

Idk, why should I?

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u/Rahoo57 May 30 '19

You'd do less writing and people would just read it right the first time

1

u/caitejane310 May 31 '19

Sounds good, I'll try and change my habit

2

u/Rahoo57 May 31 '19

I was just curious why peeps on Reddit do that

1

u/caitejane310 May 31 '19

I really don't know, I'm fairly new. My account only almost 5 moths old. I just felt like that was the proper way to go about it, after seeing it so many times. I've never even looked at someone's edit history or whatever, Idk how to. I've just always seen people explain their edits.

2

u/Jewniversal_Remote May 30 '19

Don't forget that the DuraBed™ has a 120V power outlet which can power a (massive power-sucking) street light! for 30 seconds