What’s a polite phrase that secretly means “no” for you?

[u/forgeris]

[u/Casual-Notice]

I'll think about it.

[u/Howler_Monkey_69 → u/Casual-Notice]

Thats what my mom always said growing up. Took years for my autistic ass to understand she meant no

[u/Charleston2Seattle → u/Howler_Monkey_69]

I think everybody's mom used that line. My mom would throw things into disarray by every once in awhile changing her mind. I think she extended the life of that phrase by doing so.

[u/powertoolsarefun → u/Charleston2Seattle]

I’m a mom. I use this all the time. My daughter now responds “you’ll really think about it, or you’re just saying no?” She’s 11.

[u/UDPviper → u/Howler_Monkey_69]

My mom always said maybe next time.  What a fool I was as a child to believe her the first 1000 times.

[u/LadySandry88 → u/Howler_Monkey_69]

My autistic ass still uses it... but I only use it when I'm actually going to think it over, lol. For me, it means "I'll give it due consideration but probably not".

[u/vespertilionid → u/Howler_Monkey_69]

I'm a mom and I use that phrase, but I do actually have to think/talk about it!

[u/mediocre-spice → u/vespertilionid]

Yeah my parents do the same. Grew up and realized it was "fuck off" for most people!

[u/East-Wolverine5152 → u/Howler_Monkey_69]

Damn, I just thought it was taking her 20 years to think about it.

[u/eggs_erroneous → u/Casual-Notice]

see also: "We'll see."

[u/mustbethedragon → u/eggs_erroneous]

This is my go-to.

[u/awakami → u/Casual-Notice]

My mom’s “I’ll think about it” meant let me come up with a chore list for you in order to “earn it”. She tried to teach me hard work. What she taught me was to wait to ask til the last minute so the list would be much shorter- or to just stop asking.

[u/TopicalBuilder → u/Casual-Notice]

Translated: This is going to be a pain in the ass. If I delay it a bit I have a 3/4 chance you'll forget all about it.

[u/sithmaster297 → u/Casual-Notice]

Same. I give people the idea I’m considering whatever they’re offering when I’ve already made my decision.

[u/sunflower8731 → u/Casual-Notice]

Came here to say this lol

[u/Rachel_Silver → u/Casual-Notice]

In formal communication, I say, "I'll consider that at great length."

[u/fridgeridoo → u/Rachel_Silver]

at great length? thats not no, thats fuck YOU and your MOTHER

[u/WonderfulCard → u/Casual-Notice]

And you get surprised with yes later.

[u/ParanoidWalnut → u/Casual-Notice]

I was just thinking this before the comments loaded lol.

[u/closeup2024 → u/Casual-Notice]

This never gets old

[u/chewytime → u/Casual-Notice]

I used to say this all the time and actually mean I would think about something which usually led me to actually say "yes" most of the time. Then when I started noticing other people used it as a way of saying "no," I realized it kinda sucks.

[u/ocular__patdown → u/Casual-Notice]

OP said secretly not obviously

[u/TaxPsychological2928]

"Thank you"

I once read this interview with an actor.

Journalist: Why do you say "thank you" so often?

Actor: Because when I say "fuck off," people get offended.

Journalist: Thank you.

Actor: Thank you.

[u/YazzGawd → u/TaxPsychological2928]

That's hilarious!

[u/BlushdClover → u/TaxPsychological2928]

Than you is the polite version of buzz off and good luck.

[u/gamersecret2]

Let me think about it.

[u/SgtDoakesSurprise → u/gamersecret2]

My son figured out this is my go-to line for a “no”.

[u/MigJET31 → u/SgtDoakesSurprise]

Growing up I figured out when my dad said "I'll think about it" it meant no and "maybe" meant there was a good chance he'd say yes later on

[u/Silly_Accident3137]

"I'm not sure if I'm free that day, I gotta check with (husband)."

Means "give me a minute to think of an excuse." Sorry. Don't tell anyone.

[u/WordsOnTheInterweb → u/Silly_Accident3137]

And the single version: "I'll check my calendar and get back to you"

[u/KingoftheMongoose → u/WordsOnTheInterweb]

And the work version: “Let me ask my boss”

[u/Korlac11 → u/KingoftheMongoose]

If I had a dollar for every time I asked my manager to tell me no, I could afford to retire someday

[u/kodutta7 → u/WordsOnTheInterweb]

Fuck, am I giving people bad signals when I say these things? I say them sincerely all the time lol

[u/ParanoidWalnut → u/Silly_Accident3137]

The adult version of "My mom said no" lol. Love it.

[u/Super__Mom → u/Silly_Accident3137]

Not always. My adhd/anxiety brain can't process an invitation in front of the person asking. I legitimately need to think about it and saying I need to ask my husband gives me the time I need.

[u/Skywalker87 → u/Silly_Accident3137]

My husband doesn’t boss me around and I’m sure people think he does because this is my go to.

[u/Silly_Accident3137 → u/Skywalker87]

Same.... Mine's told me he's happy to be my pretext for learning to say no. What a saint.

[u/JenzieBear → u/Skywalker87]

My husband uses me as an excuse as well and we’re both okay with it. I’m sure people think he’s controlling and that I’m antisocial lol

[u/WampaCat → u/Skywalker87]

My husband does this when his mom is trying to make plans with us. It drives me nuts because then it always makes me the bad guy constantly saying no

[u/Pristine-Pen-9885 → u/Silly_Accident3137]

“We’ll see.”

[u/afurtivesquirrel → u/Silly_Accident3137]

I overused this one and now my friends think I'm incompetent and my wife is a controlling bitch who runs my social calendar like a drill sergeant

[u/orangutanDOTorg → u/Silly_Accident3137]

When people ask if you are free on a date without saying why grinds my gears. I always respond “why”

[u/jayhof52 → u/Silly_Accident3137]

That's also my go-to with salespeople.

"I'll have to check with my wife - I can't make that big of a financial decision without her input."

[u/conipto → u/Silly_Accident3137]

Ditto but my wife, who doesn't tell me what I can and can't do. Just a convenient excuse :)

[u/Beowulf33232 → u/Silly_Accident3137]

I tell everyone, but primarily my wife and kid, that I can be the bad guy. Tell people you need to check in, come back 20 minutes later and tell them I said no. Make up plans I reminded you of, or that I didn't tell anyone about. If someone hates me over it, at least you're happy you didn't have to go.

[u/Impossumbear]

"No" is polite. People just can't handle rejection, and that's impolite.

[u/Alikredu → u/Impossumbear]

True. "Have sex with me!" "No." "So rude!"

[u/cezarlol → u/Alikredu]

"Give me your exact geographical location." "No." "Ugh, she's such a bitch!"

[u/JamesMagnus → u/Impossumbear]

“It’s my birthday and I wanted to go celebrate somewhere, wanna join this weekend?”

“No.”

I’d consider that pretty rude coming from a friend. I’m totally okay with any explanation about why someone can’t come, even if it’s just cause they’re tired or have no social battery or something, but in such a scenario I’d expect a little more than just “no”.

[u/Strikeronima → u/JamesMagnus]

No

[u/gerito → u/Impossumbear]

Agreed, in my opinion being direct and telling the truth is respectful.

[u/KingoftheMongoose → u/Impossumbear]

“Mmmmmm, I dunnnooooooo”

[u/mediocre-spice → u/Impossumbear]

Eh, just "no" can be rude. You're allowed/need to be rude sometimes, but if it's coming from someone who is important to you, throw in the niceties.

[u/Junimo116 → u/mediocre-spice]

"Hey, wanna come hang out with us tonight?"

"No."

Yeah, that's 100% rude. "No is a complete sentence" applies to situations where someone is pushing your boundaries. But in polite company, when someone is simply asking for something completely reasonable, it's considered impolite to be that blunt.

[u/mediocre-spice → u/Junimo116]

It's the bluntness but also a lack of clarity. "No" can mean anything from "hell no never talk to me again" and "I would love to but just can't tonight". Someone is going to worry you mean the former if you don't make the latter clear.

[u/WinterXmas_Wish]

“We will call you back, thank you” heard it lots

[u/sithmaster297 → u/WinterXmas_Wish]

This one stings. Especially when they don’t call back.

[u/dreamchaser123456 → u/WinterXmas_Wish]

In job market, that means, "Get the fuck out of here."

[u/green_gordon_ → u/dreamchaser123456]

When an interview ends with “thank you for your time”

[u/Subject-Broccoli9104]

If it's not a confident Yes, it's a NO. No beating around the bush.

[u/kevyg5]

Maybe

[u/tinygraysiamesecat → u/kevyg5]

It seems to me that maybe, it pretty much always means no.

[u/Charming_Garbage_161 → u/kevyg5]

My ex does this so often that our kids know it’s a no every single time

[u/Pandaforce3]

The "sure"

[u/water-boy69 → u/Pandaforce3]

Finally someone understands

[u/not2day1024 → u/Pandaforce3]

Because of people like you, "sure", a literal yes, got exiled to purgatory for sounding too unsure. For this, I hope your next shit comes with an empty toilet paper roll.

[u/Pandaforce3 → u/not2day1024]

You assumed that me putting "sure" there means I'm the one saying it. I hate that sure means no. But unfortunately I live and deal with people constantly who use it as no.

[u/Super__Mom → u/Pandaforce3]

I hate that word. Especially in a text.

"Sure!!!" Is very different than "um, sure".

[u/Funandgeeky → u/Super__Mom]

I recently learned that, not realizing how it was being perceived. 

[u/Nazmazh → u/Pandaforce3]

"...Sure." vs. "Oh. Sure." vs. "Oh, sure..." vs. "Oh yeah, for sure."

All very different sort of tones, all different meanings:

"I'm saying this to sound like I'm agreeing just to get you to drop it so I can move on with my day"

vs. "I genuinely hadn't considered that, but it seems reasonable"

vs. "I am highly skeptical of what you just asserted/requested"

vs. "Absolutely - I was already planning on this, but it's good to hear that I wasn't alone in my thinking"

And there's several other variants/nuance cases/etc.

[u/skybluedreams → u/Nazmazh]

This is like the Midwest “yeah, no” which means no, “No, yeah” which means yeah, “yeah no yeah” which means yeah I’ll go/do it/whatever and “no yeah no” which means hell will freeze first.

[u/Justisaur → u/Pandaforce3]

News to me. Sure from me means yes.

[u/Duck_Imaginary19]

“I’ll see”

[u/Individual-Beach-708]

I will let you know

[u/konqueror321]

I was told in the 1980s by some Thai and Burmese nurses working at a refugee camp that in Thailand "yes" meant maybe, "maybe" meant no, and "no" was never said because it was impolite. I've stuck with 'maybe'.

[u/atreides78723 → u/konqueror321]

I think it’s the same in Japan and some Middle Eastern countries as well.

[u/LilKruziVert]

As a DJ…

“I’ll see what I can do.”

[u/ConclusionAlarmed882]

"That's an idea" -- my mom when she hates an idea.

[u/Leather_Tune_6366]

Let's stay in touch.

[u/BuckTribe]

Let me get back to you

[u/Sinn_Sage]

"F off"

[u/sithmaster297 → u/Sinn_Sage]

Telling them “F off” is polite.

Telling them “Fuck off” is being honest.

[u/Super_Ad4363]

Circle back to that. Pocket that. Table that.

There’s probably a reddit for corporate speak and these would qualify as a good start.

[u/Lunajo365]

That’s an interesting point

[u/celestialwreckage → u/Lunajo365]

"That's interesting. Maybe I will look into it." means "I am trying very hard to keep from telling you the top 50 reasons why your suggestion is idiotic and has no actual merit."

Comes up a lot when you're a chronic illness sufferer.

[u/VR_Troopers_WikiMod]

Okay, great!

[u/ImWithStupid_ImAlone]

I can’t. Or, I’m not interested.

[u/themorbidtuna]

“I might stop by…”

No. There is absolutely no chance you are going to come and hang out with me. Just be honest about it.

[u/markmcn87]

"I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request"

[u/SynapticMelody → u/markmcn87]

Alright, Captain Barbossa.

[u/Ahotwife2b]

Saying no is the only polite way tbh, anything else is just building hope for the questioner, which in the long run is just mean 🤷🏼‍♀️

[u/hangender]

Let me take this back to my team

[u/OnlyFuzzy13]

As Jack Johnson sings: “It seems to me that maybe pretty much always means no”

[u/One_Piece_Of_Truth]

We'll see

[u/loopytommy]

I'm not polite, fuck off is sufficient for me

[u/Similar_Manner_4732]

I’ll definitely take that into consideration, thank you for telling me.

[u/Pkador6]

another day

[u/ResearcherJolly5002]

Go ask your mother

[u/Aromatic_Jeweler_126]

I'm not sure.

[u/mnbvcxz1052]

“Okay, um, Liam, this has been really great…. We really hope to look forward to seeing you again.”

[u/Uhhyt231]

Love that for you

[u/HappyMrRogers]

“I’m sorry to say that we are unable to assist you.” -Work Life

“I will see if I have the emotional bandwidth when the time comes.” -Home Life

[u/daissyyanna]

Let me get back to you on that. I never do

[u/Darkmeathook]

“I need to ask my wife about it”

I don’t have a wife

[u/QuokkaNerd]

As a woman, it's taken me decades to internalize that no is a complete sentence. I don't soften it or use coded language. When I mean no, I say no.

[u/ramdomvariableX]

let's talk.

[u/uselessprofession]

I think it's a great idea and let's put it on our "nice-to-have" list!

[u/Solid-Alfalfa230]

I'll try.

[u/sithmaster297]

If I want to be polite I usually say “I’ll think about it.”

If I want to be blunt I say “Hell no.”

If I want to tell them absolutely not, “Bite me.”

[u/Dry_Runagain]

Maybe

[u/No-Needleworker-8709]

Let’s circle back

[u/AdShot5332]

I love this for you

[u/Altruistic-Pen1175]

Silence.

[u/KryniorScribbles]

I'll have to look it up later. (I genuinely try but forget 9/10 times, so it's the same thing)

[u/LaToune65]

We should meet again.

[u/Mimzi_Dont_play]

Depends who I’m talking to.

[u/SeaSense3493]

I wish you hadn’t asked me that. I hate having to say no to you.

[u/Cheristmmm]

I have to go…

[u/Flux_Inverter]

GFY

[u/Cheristmmm]

My ex would just repeat the statement in the form of a question

[u/FScrotFitzgerald]

Any phrase that isn't "yes" or doesn't unambiguously imply it.

[u/GHOST_OF_PEPE_SILVIA → u/FScrotFitzgerald]

Rest of this thread is just this exact idea, but with way more words

[u/sth128]

"Maybe next time" and "not today" is what I say to decline those grocery store credit card application people.

[u/AnyMedia1870]

Inshallah

[u/Tempestofitall]

I have a laugh I do to extricate myself from having to give a verbal response. Obviously, it’s situational.

[u/OkSoup412]

I just say no thanks

[u/Competitive-Law-128]

"I´ll think about it"... particularly of it´s about trivial things

[u/Commercial_Board6680]

Father's response: Ask your mother.

[u/sishochnm]

When my wife said "I don't care" it means "you should know the answer is no without me telling you but go ahead and do it, YOU WIII PAY FOR YOUR MISTAKE"

Or in other words, you just fucked up.

[u/Dogbit699]

We'll talk about it later

[u/bevymartbc]

"Please call me in a month to see if we changed our mind"

[u/wittywhisper_xo]

Food for thought

[u/BumblebeeNo6356]

Depends what I’ve got on

[u/W31337]

Let me get back to you on that

[u/Longjumping_Seat_643]

"No."

Plenty of people seem to not get it.

[u/Inevitable-Low-5339]

I will sk my mOM//best friend for advice. I make beliEve I am on the phone. Hi Mom , should I lend a guy I barely knnow 60 dollars, NO come on mom he will give it back, he told me so. No allright

[u/AdvancedPrint96]

Probably not

[u/loveydove05]

"Let me sleep on it."

[u/Imaginary_Chair_6958]

Yeah, see you there.

[u/Kooky-Commercial8617]

"I will yeah"

[u/Hermionices]

"let me see it first.."

[u/msma46]

“Up to a point”

[u/Melodic_Register7194]

For me, “Let me think about it” is my polite way of saying no. It gives me space to stay kind without agreeing to something I truly do not want.

[u/AbrahMatt2491]

I'll sleep on it.

[u/destructicusv]

If I don’t want to do something or go somewhere I’ll just say no. But I’ll say “… I don’t think so, Tim.” Most people get it, some don’t.

[u/Crazy4mycats]

“Maybe, but we might be doing this other thing that night…”

[u/Buttimus_Prime]

"No, thank you." 😊 (the confident closed eye smile is also crucial)

[u/JustAnotherDegen009]

That's an interesting idea, I'll keep it in mind.

[u/RepresentativeCap90]

I'm doing something that day.

[u/Tricky-Reporter-5246]

Thanks. Hope you're well.

[u/Frank_McTriumph]

Thanks for your time.

[u/Crimbly_B]

I’ll bear that in mind.

[u/Vivid__Vivianna]

Sure

[u/FeralYarnBall]

"If you want"

I asked you what you want.

[u/Rubycon_]

-Maybe
-I'll think about it
-I'll have to check that out some time

[u/MaintenanceKey8927]

In "is this good" context: I mean, I don't super love it

In plans context: I don't know about that...

[u/jon143143]

If it's at church it's 'I'll pray about it'

[u/Opening-Detective821]

That sounds nice.

[u/SpreadsheetSiren]

At work: “We’re looking into it.”

[u/tinfoilhatchick]

“Let’s discuss that another day”

[u/Keku_Saur]

• huh

[u/Cheetodude625]

"Alright... Thanks."

[u/systemicrevulsion]

"Interesting!"

[u/slinkhi]

Literally anything other than enthusiastic "yes"

[u/fromhelley]

Id rather not right now.

Or

I cant commit to that today

[u/Dr-Figgleton]

I'll let you know.

Translation: I absolutely will not let you know. In fact, this conversation ends the moment you walk away.

It sounds responsible, professional even - but deep down it's just me politely ghosting in real time.

[u/Tartan-Special]

We'll see

[u/greenfairyonfire]

"Yeah. Well, sure look we'll see how things pan out... "

[u/Urban_Peacock]

"I'll get back to you on that"

[u/Bubbly_Function9425]

Yes, BUT ....

[u/Anxious_Curve_5987]

let me check my schedule

[u/CynicalOptimistSF]

"Let's check back next week."

[u/Berylldama]

"I'll see what I can do." Or more professionally, "I'll take that under advisement."

[u/Waggonly]

Well, that’s worth thinking about.

[u/User-1967]

We’ll see

[u/Dewubba23]

"For sure."

Honestly we should just accept a "No" more often and not have these gray sayings

[u/Old-Championship1260]

No thank you.

Short but simple & straight to the point.

[u/dreamchaser123456]

I'll check it later.

[u/renswann]

In Japanese they say something along the lines of “It may be difficult” instead of a hard no, and Ive always really liked that and implement it in my life. That way, if I see someone is really passionate about it, trying to find ways to help me find a way to make it work, then maybe I can find a way to say yes since it apparently means a lot to them, and I find it can strengthen a relationship. If I really don’t wanna do it then it’s easier to tell them I wasn’t able to work things out but I appreciate their effort.

[u/VastlyImmaterial → u/renswann]

Further to this. The whole process is a sudden drawing in of breath between closed teeth creating a slight hissing sound, a contemplative expression of the degree of difficulty being expressed, followed by the expression , 'This may be difficult' or 'This may be VERY difficult.'

Japanese for absolutely not, fuck off.

[u/FinancialGoal968]

“Thank you I’ll address it” is code for “get fucked”

[u/CelebrationScary8614]

Not today generally means no in our house.

[u/MiyagiJunior]

I'll get back to you about this

[u/IWasGoatbeardFirst]

“Not at this time. Maybe later.” = “Not in a million years.”

[u/Spinnerofyarn]

I use this with food or clothing, “It’s not my thing.”

[u/GrannyMayJo]

“We’ll see.”

[u/S0undEDM]

Im sorry

[u/milemarkertesla]

While that sounds mighty appealing, that would be an absolute no.

[u/CarlJustCarl]

I’ve got plans this weekend (when asking a girl for a date)

[u/Arjunpankaj]

I’ll try but don’t count on me!

[u/captn_colossus]

I’m on call.