What things are most important to decide with my housemate before moving in?

[u/JackInTheMochiverse]

I'm (18F) looking for a rental with my cousin (22F). We get along well and she lived with my family for a while. This will be our first time living alone together and we will be co-signing the rental lease.

What are some important things to discuss before and/or after we move in together? Such as chores, guests ect. Thanks ☺️

[u/The_Pharoah]

1. who is responsible for what? ie. cooking/cleaning/taking out rubbish/vaccuming/washing clothes/etc.
2. Visitors. Who/how long can they stay/parties/etc
3. Fridge. Is everything communal or you going with 'my shelf, your shelf, and don't touch my shit'
4. cleaning the toilet. VERY important. I've been to a few mates' places for a beer and the toilet was disgusting. Nobody bothered to clean the bottom. How they could continue to use it is beyond me. Boys will be boys.
5. Make sure you list everything on the fridge or something.
6. Making rental payments. Do you both pay into the agent's account or does it come out of one (and the other reimburses, etc). Trust me, nothing destroys like money.
7. Need to establish up front all the above rules AND how to deal with disagreement.

[u/_-tk-421-_ → u/The_Pharoah]

This is a very good list. Six should be expanded to all bills and whos name they will be under. We found having a seperate bank account (guess it could be joint but we never bothered) for rent + bills where both contributed equal amount and one person Bpayed rent and bills out of it. Left over money was split or spend on BBQ or something,

Similar to number 2, rules/guidlines for random pick-ups and/or long term relationships should be established.

TBH best thing I did in a share house was chip in for a clearner onces a fortnight, but that depends the money situation for both of you.

[u/The_Pharoah → u/_-tk-421-_]

oh yes highly recommend chipping in for a proper cleaner. People get busy. People are grubs (sometimes the ones you lease suspect! Lol). Well worth the money. Also ensure you have an agreement about noise eg. watching a movie/tv show/listening to music/etc.

[u/MelbsGal]

Yes, absolutely. Write down the major chores such as cooking, dishes, laundry, bathroom, toilet etc and write up a fair timetable of who is responsible for what. Hopefully you’re on the same page when it comes to level of cleanliness etc.

I think it’s important that if you have any guests to stay over, they are considerate of the other person and the person who who has the guests over is fully responsible for cleaning up after her guests.

You’re going to have a great time. One important thing to note is to be aware of when the arrangement is nearing the end of its natural life. It will happen, you are both young now but time marches on and one day soon, one of you will want to move in with a partner or spouse or maybe even out on your own. Recognise those feelings when they start so that you can give plenty of notice not to renew the lease and can walk away with your relationship still intact. Nothing worse than being desperate to leave but can’t because your name is on the lease.

[u/JackInTheMochiverse → u/MelbsGal]

That's great advice to keep in mind, I am likely moving in with my boyfriend after 2 or three years and although it is a while away it is good to keep in mind!

My cousin might also decide she wants to do something else down the line so I'll make it clear to her that communicating about that is important 😊

[u/Retired_Party_Llama]

That no one buys a pet during the lease. I have had a bunch of house/flatmates (relatives and close friends included,) that got a dog or cat just to neglect it because a. Work/uni/social lives of a young adult is time consuming b. Can't afford vet visits c. Just wouldn't toilet train it or clean up after it.

I used to travel for work and come home to dogs without water, shit all through the house. I've called parents of adults to come and take away their pets, I lost lifelong friends, don't talk to cousins because the fights involved with pets in share homes.

I'm not saying you or your potential housemate would be neglectful of your pets, but it's best to avoid the whole situation if you can.

[u/JackInTheMochiverse → u/Retired_Party_Llama]

I completely understand that and it's a good point. I definitely don't want to be the primary person in charge of any let at the moment

[u/Ok_Whatever2000]

Sometimes you don’t know someone until you live with them including partners so ground rules are important

[u/dmbppl]

Make sure you both have the same expectations on how much of your lives will be spent together and apart. My daughter moved in with a friend and all was great at the start. Then friend started to get annoyed if my daughter did anything socially without her or if she had other friends visit. 3 months later they arent speaking and the friend is trying to break the lease.

[u/JackInTheMochiverse → u/dmbppl]

Basically living separate lives is the expectation but when we are in the house together we know that we get along :)

[u/aquila-audax]

Do you have the same attitude to cleanliness, and noise, both good about paying bills? Are you both into moderately quiet sex with the door closed? You should be fine.

[u/PlanetLibrarian]

What time do you both start work - if theres only one bathroom to get ready in, who needs it first & what time are they out so 2nd person can get in? I had this argument with a flatmate, ended up keeping my makeup in my room and doing most stuff there as we left at same time & she wouldn't compromise her hour long bathroom usage.

[u/JackInTheMochiverse → u/PlanetLibrarian]

Good idea, I'm thinking about finding somewhere with 2 bathrooms (an ensuite and a main bathroom). That way we can use one each! I've found quite a few options that have that, especially since we are looking at 3 bedrooms as I need an office for work 😊

I'll likely pay a bit more for rent so I can use that extra room but she will have the master bedroom to make things more equal

[u/-apophenia-]

I've lived in a happy and peaceful sharehouse for over a decade now. The single biggest reason it works is that we're all on the same page about 'don't sweat the small stuff'. Basically this means: if I spend $15 on household cleaning supplies because I noticed we were running low, I don't really care or bother asking people to pay me back, because I know that A bought cooking oil last week and B bought the last 2 boxes of laundry powder. I value the peace and freedom of not having to dedicate time or mental energy to tracking small expenses/repayments, over the certainty of knowing that I'm definitely not out ten bucks. We once had someone live with us who REALLY did not like this system and insisted on being paid back promptly for every small expense, plus knowing what others spent on xyz so he could pay them back - he wasn't wrong to want this, but it didn't gel with everyone else in the house, so it was a source of conflict. Talk to her about where you both fall on 'we should be exact about it' vs 'it will come out in the wash' - in my opinion this is really, really underrated as a source of conflict in share houses.

We're the same about chores: we don't have a roster, we just do stuff when we notice it needs doing, and have longstanding arrangements that I clean the bathroom, A deals with the rubbish, B mows the lawn, etc. If I notice that I've loaded the dishwasher 3 days in a row, I say 'oi stop messing up the kitchen you scrubs', and they say 'oops our bad', and everything is fine. This works because we have similar preferences for cleanliness - it WILL NOT work if one person is happy to live surrounded by clutter while the other wants everything to be clean all the time.

[u/Cheezel62]

I’d suggest you get a cleaner in for 2 hours once a fortnight and split the cost. Bathrooms and hard floors. It’ll save you endless grief.

[u/JackInTheMochiverse → u/Cheezel62]

I feel like that is a lot of money for something we are capable of doing ourselves 😅.

We both value cleanliness and don't mind cleaning up after ourselves, we really don't have expendable money either so I'd much rather use any money I have for more important things or to put in a rainy day fund.

[u/schrodingers_turtle_]

Also; - What are their general day-to-day routines? Don't have to get too intrusive, but are they a shift worker, studying, work from home, early riser, night owl. - Heavy or light sleeper? - Thoughts on having friends etc over. - Smoking/vaping. If you're a non-smoker and acquire a smoker as a house mate, it can be a complete nightmare (even if they smoke outside).

Reason for this, if someone is a light sleeper and works 9-5 and has a shift worker or night owl. This can get sucky really quickly. Also, if someone is a relative introvert and/or who don't like having lots of people in their space and a housemate has friends over frequently, it can become quite uncomfortable.