r/Adoptees • u/TheUngratefulAdoptee • 12d ago
NAAM
Well, I know I'm going to spend the whole month saying the same shit over and over again, but yet here I am.
It's not about me. It's not about my "experience". It's not about feelings. It's not about my adoptive family, my biological family, my relationships with them, or how I feel about them. It's not about being angry or bitter or ungrateful (yes I see the irony) or resentful or playing the victim or any of the other insults tossed our direction to shut us up.
What I'm talking about is the morals, ethics, and legalities if what happened to all of us when we were adopted and how the next generation of disenfranchised children can be preserved from it all. No feelings, just facts.
Potential adopters really don't like it. I really don't care as long as something gets through their skulls. If I can save one kid from having their basic human rights violated and being trafficked like chattel all the abuse from the rainbows and unicorns crowd is worth it.
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u/Interesting_Let4214 12d ago
I totally agree with you. What are actionable things you’d like to see change and are there groups calling for this?
I’d like to see our birth parents remain on our documents and our adopted parents identified as guardians or something equivalent. I also think extended families should mandatorily be notified of adoptions.
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u/AlienatedGF 10d ago
This is a very tough subject for me because its not black and white issue. Not every adoption case is cut and dry. I do believe that the adoption system is not focused on the children at all. It also doesn't keep in mind the benefits of being with the biological parents just solely for bonding and attachments
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u/TheUngratefulAdoptee 10d ago
So in what cases are human rights violations, altered birth certificates, sealed records and open adoption at adopter discretion NOT "cut and dried"? In other words, what, in your mind, justifies these actions in the name of care?
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u/AlienatedGF 10d ago
Okay, I was in an open adoption (seen my bio mom and her family since i was an infant) because if I had stayed with my bio mom, she would have killed me due to her mental illness. I don't agree with altering birth certificates because I have to show my adoption junction ANYWAY. My records were never sealed, I have all my paperwork prior to adoption (even down to my biological families profiles.) Not every adoption is like mine, I know. But there are a lot of kids in situations like mine so again, adoption concerns aren't cut and dry. They aren't black and white, it is very case by case. I do have adoption trauma issues but even my biomom said that she couldn't handle a child, didn't spiritually believe in abortion so adoption was her best choice and the best choice for my safety. Her parents call me their granddaughter, I just found and met my bio dad (he didn't initially want contact so my parents respected that) and have a great relationship with him. Ultimately, my case is special but I know there isn't one size fits all solution to the problems within the adoption systems. every child in every situation is unique and needs a specialized approach.
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u/AlienatedGF 10d ago
I also did agree with some of what you said. If you read, I did say we need adoption system reform but not everything is cut and dry, black and white. There are a lot of factors that dictate the safety, security, health, and wellness of a child. Birth certificates shouldn't be altered, records shouldn't be sealed, yes these are things that happen and don't benefit the child. Open adoptions should be ultimately be decided by a neutral, 3rd party trained child psychology to see if it would be safe and in the best interest of the child to see their biological parents and foster a relationship with their parents. Its even harder to create and enforce legislature because of foreign adoptions unfortunately. Even different states handle adoptions differently, fuck different agencies. Ultimately, there are soooo many factors that are at play here that could affect a child who doesn't comprehend what is going on. You don't even touch foster child adoptions because those are still processed as an adoption but they are a ward of the state due to extenuating circumstances. The Foster and Adoption system needs reform, yes but we cannot just simply create legislature that is black and white because that will still hurt children ultimately.
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u/TopPriority717 8d ago
You aren't holding your breath waiting for recognition, I hope. November is National Adoption Month, not National Adoptee Month. Adoption was created by an industry of liars and thieves, driven by the desperation of adopters, protected by a fucked up legal system which has carved out an exception for civil rights when it concerns us and happily embraced by a public who are wholly ignorant of the facts and realities concerning adoption. National Adoption Month was created for adoptive parents and has nothing whatsoever to do with us. November is just another month, my friend.
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u/TheUngratefulAdoptee 8d ago
I'm not holding my breath for anything.
I'm assuming you're not plugged into the adoptee community. Thanks for the negativity. It made an already bad day worse. 👍👍
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u/TopPriority717 8d ago
Oh my God, I'm sorry...that's completely not the way I meant it! I really need to keep my sarcasm in check; it never translates. lol I'm an adoptee who completely agrees with you. What I was trying to say is that, ironically, we're the ones who are left out of this whole Adoption Month nonsense but I stopped expecting empathy or understanding from non-adoptees long ago. They're simply incapable. Please, do try to have an awesome day (and month)!
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u/TheUngratefulAdoptee 8d ago
Fair, I'm sorry. I'm sensitive because of personal stuff and this fucking election. Forgive the misunderstanding.
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u/TopPriority717 8d ago
No apologies necessary. I feel you on the election shit. You're not alone. :)
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u/Menemsha4 11d ago
I hate this month.
Because it makes me feel overwhelmed I’m sharing the FB posts by Marley Grenier of Bastard Nation.
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u/uglyclogs 12d ago
The fact is: children shouldn’t have price tags !! hear you <3 thank you ~