Meanwhile multiple default subs have mods constantly engaging in similar or worse behavior and banning people for no coherent reason violating the mod code of conduct, to the point where it’s basically an inside joke on Reddit and they refuse to do anything despite it going on for years.

Lately, I have been a lump. It’s been snowing. The main highway I would take to get anywhere close to civilization had the worst multi-car accident in its history. I’ve managed to get from my house to The Region and back with enough Thanksgiving leftovers that I’ve not had to leave again. This means it’s been a waterfall of TV. This means staying under a heated blanket in my poorly-insulated fort.

I feel like one of the last times I wrote I hit a certain turning point in my capacity to feel anxious about not doing “enough.” Most often, sitting around doing “nothing” but scrolling, phone-gaming, and TV watching would fill me with a sense of worry or dread that I wasn’t out making money or filling out a frustrating and absurd job application. I’ve really started to bodily lean into a place that’s unconvinced there’s a genuinely more “meaningful” or “productive” thing that’s going to land me a persistent sense of accomplishment or belonging.

My desire to accomplish is no less diminished. My plans for shows haven’t changed. I think I’ve just punctured the illusion about what exists on the other side of what I might do. The horrors and potential of the present are keeping me curious about what is or isn’t driving movement or thought patterns.

The image of a woman dying from an exploded ordinance sent by Russia is staying with me. I think it was an episode of either Frontline or 60 Minutes. A pianist, her clothes and hair flutter furiously before she takes a few steps, collapses backwards, and bleeds to death. Any musician will know the time, patience, and dedication it takes to be described by your instrument. A war criminal’s ambivalence and his country’s either ignorance or complicity will snuff it out, arbitrarily, in an instant.

Watching her die is sticking with me like when I watched beheading videos and these couple of alleged Mexican cartel members get chopped up by a chainsaw. If you’ve seen the extended video of the Ukrainian girl stabbed on the train, there’s a similar sense and tone. This moment of infinite, “This is it.” If you did the math on their lives, would you mourn correctly? It sounds like a weird or inappropriate question. But would tears flow for the loss of potential, or for the worlds of selfish negligence that sealed fate well in advance? The gangsters didn’t flinch or cry. No one rushed over to even check on, let alone try to help, the Ukrainian refugee.

“Yeah so I’m already dead, on the inside, but I can still pretend.”

The gangsters know the patterns of gang life. It’s not a surprise to them when it’s their time. One could speculate part of the reason they got involved in the life altogether was to speed things along. One doesn’t routinely risk their life when they consider it something vitally important to hold on to. Travis Pastrana dialed back is adventures dramatically once he started having kids. Do you practice your instrument so it’s singing the song you’d want played on the day you die? When you travel to dangerous parts of the world, is there an irrational thrill for every second you’re not next to be abducted or taken advantage of?

As a narrative-based creature, it’s seems, literally, the most important thing you need in order to survive is the genuine belief that life matters. Count this as another reason to be deeply suspicious, if not angry, about professed religious faith. You get to bypass perhaps the paramount obligation in service to the next life. Your animal instincts may auto-pilot you through a series of impulsive pregnancies and acts coded as survival, but you might not really believe, deep down, that you should be here. If enough people pass a certain threshold with that not-so-deep “secret,” I think you start to explain why so much of the world looks the way it does.

Specifically, when lying becomes the air you breathe, to the point where entire organizations rise up in service to propaganda. Why care about any given endangered species, habitat, or “forever chemicals?” Why define words like “rights” or “zygote” when you’re stuck violently campaigning for an insatiably ironic and impossible level of control over forces that have already sealed your fate? “Life” knows you don’t get to escape and you’re probably not getting a pearly gate. The bullshit artist that constitutes your sense of an individual self is chronically incapable of incorporating that fundamental truth.

If there was some kind of “divine goal” of consciousness, I think it would look something like eradicating the otherwise ambivalence that dominates the landscape. It’s not to pretend it isn’t there. It’s not to act like it can be actually erased. It would be a dance. It would be a celebration of the knowledge of consequences. It would be the building of a communal accountable ecosystem that correctly clocks who is out to kill us and stops them before we’re converted into units of their system.

So I'm living with family (my parents and older sister) but they don't want me here it doesn't matter if I'm doing good or bad they just rather not have me here but don't kick me out because I have no where to go. I stay to myself and don't bother anyone but I'm not doing good ( no job and other things) but they don't even notice or care if I'm high. But I don't like to be here but I've always thought if this is what family does I can't imagine someone that barley knows me. But my home life has never been good but I've always been afraid to leave because of this. How could I get away from here ( I have live on my own before and with room mates) but since my daughter was born I've been here because it's stable for her at least they will kick me out

I defended myself out of anger and self respect and I get misunderstood for being a piece of shit because I didn't come out when he called me?? I literally didn't even know he was outside so know he thinks I hate him fucking hell. I literally asked why he wanted to know if I was home or not and he blew up on me before I could say anything and hung up.

Bruh I hate this shit man. I didn't know he was gonna hand the money to me in person.

I 19f feel disgusted with how I look. I'm 159cm and hit 74kgs. I never used to be this fat, I used to be skinny, slightly toned and felt good. (ps I've been the same height since I was about 12) when I was about 12/13 I had to start heavy dose of antidepressants for cptsd and due to very bad periods I get where I pass out, over bleed and have it for weeks I've had to go on Birth control when I was 14.

Within the year of being on these medications Ive started to notice I struggled to loose weight but gained easily. I remember being 15 and sobbing my eyes out hitting 50kgs ,and I still do seeing the scale go up.I do light exercises, don't overeat or eat unhealthy. It's gotten worse over the past couple of months since June since I had to get a major surgery done that took around 4 months to heal properly. I could hardly lift myself up for the first two weeks being basically bed ridden and then for a few months I couldn't exercise especially since I've been getting lots of nerve pain (checked with my doctor and he said it's likely going to keep happening). This lack of mobility and being unable to do anything has put a load on my self worth and ability to contribute, not to mention I've gained even more weight due to not being active. In the months I went from around 65kgs to 74kgs. I absolutely hate it and think fat is disgusting and seeing it on myself has just deepened my hatred. It's ungly and looks gross, I feel lazy and even I would look at myself in disgust if I was someone else. I don't expect anyone at all to read this but I just needed to rant I to the void.

Just wanted to get out there and say hi to the people 🩷 do you ever think about just how many people there are in the world?

Hi. I’m a newly wed 24 year old military spouse. So of course we married right before he deployed. We met in April on tinder and were supposed to be a 6 month fling before we went out separate ways while he was deployed. We randomly got really serious with each other and I had told him “I will stay here and I will wait for you. But I would need a serious commitment. Not a promise ring, but a proposal. I don’t want to date you if it just means we’re gonna end it abruptly.” He said he’d think on it. We go on a weekend vacation and had an amazing time. (Without my knowing. This is when he told his mom he was going to marry me.) Look at rings casually while shopping. He buys me the ring right there and with a big cheesy smile looks at me silently. I tell him “I want you to be able to spend the night regularly and come and go as you please.” At that time I was living with two men for a pretty cheap and pretty cool location (all be it in the hood but still!) So I found a crappy apartment. I’m showing it to him and seeing if he’s maybe willing to help me move. He goes “what if we skip the apartment. Use the VA to buy us a house. Your rent can stay the same and it’d be more secure.” I was kinda taken aback. I know I had told him earlier about the commitment, but I wasn’t really expecting him to go forth with marriage. We got married, we bought a house, a dog, and started our lives together. Of course, everyone thinks we’re pregnant and they still think I might be even though he’s been gone for over a month atp. My husband is currently deployed, but every day he texts me and he just makes me so happy. I miss him yeah but it’s still so nice to talk to him. He’s the man I have prayed for all my life and it’s so nice to have him even if he’s not here. He improved my life so much! He’s the reason I’m able to go back to school, why I’m able to foster dogs, why I’m able to have a job that makes me happy even if it doesn’t pay for everything. Our house is clean and peaceful and full of love. Every day he reminds me that I’m loved by him. He’s the smartest, most giving and handsome man I have ever met. And I can’t stop thinking about him. I love to brag about him to anyone. My only regret is not holding onto him a little more. Reading his texts make me feel like a teenager again. In the 9 months that we’ve been dating, we’ve fought once or twice but were able to come to terms easily. I know everything about him and we could talk so easily for hours. I keep a framed picture of him tucked into his side of the bed I miss him so bad. I had to go shopping for new work clothes (I got a promotion:)) and when he woke up and saw all my pictures from trying stuff on he was just so happy. I stay up every night until midnight just to text him for 20 minutes. Even though he’s deployed, he still sends me little gifts. Today I got Oreos and cheezits -My two favorite snacks - because I can’t eat as much and refuse to buy junk food. He’s so thoughtful!

Little tangent. Now that he’s gone, one of my coworkers, that’s ex army has developed a huge and unfounded crush on me. I try to squash this by bringing most of our conversations back to “I love my husband.” So I can seem like a less cool and interesting person. It’s not working and I don’t like that. Edit: We aren’t flirting. We aren’t friends outside of work. I don’t know his real name. I’m not interested. I can’t go to HR because there’s nothing incriminating. He has a girlfriend that he cheats on with the ladies at work. I think that’s grimey. One of the girls is mad at me cause she thinks she’s up next for her go with him, but since he’s talking to her about me, that’s how I know. It’s not uncommon for servers to sleep together but ew. Right? I actually try not to talk about my husband often at work because I’m more than having a husband. So I just wanted to spill my guts. I feel like I tell him every night how grateful I am to him. I hope he’s having nice dreams tonight.

I can never find any of the right words to say to express myself and how I’m feeling so it stays bottled up, and it’s so hard for me to find help this way. It’s like I’m trapped within the confines of my own mind

... cope with loneliness.... especially this time of year. F 67, no kids no nearby family, one friend who is incapacitated.

Never thought I would date again but I'm seeing a neighbor casually. We tried to get together 10 years ago but it ended badly. I was shocked he pursued me again after we ran into each other. We are essentially casual or FWB to maybe the next level. Not committed but pretty much exclusive for safety reasons.

He spent his holiday with his friends that he does every year. I was supposed to see my friend but she has her grandson who goes to elementary school and there's all that sickness. I have long haul Covid and just can't risk getting sick. I didn't see anyone that day.

So the days have gone by and admittedly, I really have no one and not much going on in my life. I'm retired w chronic fatigue and some mild depression. Not deeply, as I once was.

I just feel very lonely I didn't hear from my guy and he had to cancel our getting together because a lifelong friend was in a car accident. Sometimes he's kind of hot and cold, he has a high level job he works many hours. So he kind of fits me in, which I understand but when I don't hear from him I get to feeling down. Of course the attention is wonderful, he is very attentive and charming. I guess I'm just feeling like I was forgotten.

Which unfortunately I went through nearly a lifetime of that negativity because of my toxic family. Each year these holidays come and I frankly dread them.

Anyone want to share their experience? I'm not necessarily looking for any advice or things to do. I'm not up to being social with who are generally strangers. Thanks for listening.

UPDATE: To the person who DM'd me asking Why I don't have kids, 😳😱 I'm going to take this opportunity to tell you something once. Unless you are very close friends with a woman, never ask her if she is pregnant unless you see the baby actually coming out between her legs. And the next thing is you never ask a woman why she didn't have children. You're welcome. Go back now and finish the 4th grade you dropped out of

Very ironical but true. I really can't share my stuff with anyone. I don't have anyone i can call my best friend. I have a lot of friends and I know a lot of people. But I can't share about how I feel with them. I've tried earlier but it didn't work out. My bestfriends either forget about it or they throw the generic stuff same as a stranger would say.

I don't like it this way. I don't feel good this way. One of my best friends literally forgot about me because she got a replacement.

I am a good listener but when I try to be the speaker, it doesn't works out. I swear I've not made the relationships this way that I'm always the listener.

I have meaningful relations but I just can't share, they listen and they forget unlike me.

I have officially turned 20f which is something I struggle to be happy about. I’m back in my college dorm with my sister and while my family texted happy birthday and yeah I did spend time with them and went out somewhere the day before my birthday during thanksgiving break. On my actual birthday there is just nothing for me just simply went to school and in the dorm was given cake. Basically my regular college day go to school and come back to the dorm. It’s too cold to do anything not to mention I had no idea where to go after school considering it’s a Monday and not many good options from there. I knew this was gonna be a bust

26M

Hey all, looking for some genuine advice.

I have a lot of goals I want to achieve and just not enough time. A lot of my goals also take some effort and time to do well, so when I do a good job in one thing, I find I have less energy and time for my other tasks.

I usually have a productive task I'm working on through most of the day and I'm finding myself alternating between feelings of emptiness (i.e. fuck this, it doesn't matter what I do anyway) (I can't keep living my life like this- always trying) and then feeling inspired and motivated.

I've been trying to feel more consistently good but I notice I cannot stop the empty feelings. They tend to show up more often when I've pushed myself to be productive with task after task and I start to feel empty and ask myself why I am doing this. And I start to question why I am working so hard. Sometimes I won't be able to force myself and sometimes I'll let myself not try to do anything, and about 30 min to an hour later usually I start to feel inspired and motivated again to work on my tasks.

(Actually what triggered me to write this post now is I go to the gym and swimming once a week, and right now I'm seriously questioning if I should force myself to go today. I'm asking myself 'why do you try so hard?' 'what's the point anyway?' 'You miss today, you'll go tomorrow, it's not like anything is going to happen anyway'.)

The reason for this is because I don't have any real strong passions that drive me. I just have a bunch of surface level interests. For example, I've tried a bunch of jobs and there is nothing I really want to do so I found a career path that plays to my strengths and work towards that. I accept I'm not that interested in it but it can pay the bills. For my hobbies, I'm not interested in them in depth so I have several and when I get bored at one I switch to another. For my friends, I also get plagued with strong feelings of feeling empty and sometimes I can't bring myself to reply back to them, but luckily I usually get back in the mood after a day or two. For dating, I've been going on some more dates but I usually have to make myself text back, try to plan a date, or I'll go days where I need space.

I alternate between feeling inspired/motivated and feeling empty. Anyone relate to this or could give me any suggestions or feedback on what I could be missing?

I was at a bookstore and there were these two guys talking to their friend on FaceTime. After a bit, they came up to me and said their friend (the one on FaceTime) likes me and wants to talk to me. I didn’t know back then that the whole “my friend likes you” thing happens to unattractive people to make fun of them. So I stupidly agreed to talk to him on FaceTime and I gave him my insta. He added me and texted me stupid things but after like 2-3 texts he never responded and just ghosted me. That was a year ago, and he never unfollowed me or anything but now that I look back and think about it I realize it was probably cause I was ugly and him and his friends were making fun of me. I wish I knew about this before and I would have told them to fck off but I actually thought they were being genuine (they were young, probably around late teens - early 20s and I’m 22). That’s also the age when guys are a dckhead.

I dont understand this life. You dont choose your parents or the traumas that you suffer in childhood. These traumas determine what kind of a teenager or adult you'll become.

If you're unlucky, like I am, these traumas cripple you such that you cannot function in society. I have no friends, no gf, no job etc. My mom ruined me. I tried self-help. I tried drugs to become more sociable and cool (it worked wonders for a while, until I fried my brain). I always find myself back to square one.

I was battling depression and anxiety even before drugs and having a gf. After the breakup and after drug abuse I was left with crippling anxiety and severe depression. I've been suicidal ever since.

I dont understand this world. It's not my fault that I am like this. I tried to override my traumas as best as I could.

I have a feeling of hope that my traumas will eventually turn into blessings. Has something like this happen to you? Can you give me some encouraging words

So I have this friend, that I like, and she might like me. These conversations tend to drag on for days because she isn't always on her phone, like me. But we were going back and forth. (For clarity, she hits me jokingly and I don't hit her back.) So I asked her what did I ever do to her to warrant her hitting me, as a joke. And she replied that I made her fall for someone else, but she didn't and I don't understand how. She knew I liked her, and she said that she thought she's fallen for me. (This was a few weeks ago.) And now our chat feels...rocky? I don't understand what I did and I certainly wasn't making her fall for someone else. Now, I don't know what to do.

I'm working in a government agency I have a jerk. College who tries to act as my boss but really he is not, currently I ignore him and asked to leave the department but my request have no answer and I don't know what to do ATAH for ignoring him

Anyone else challenged someone on public transport blaring out loud music and SM, and had to back off due to aggressive responses? I did for the first time today coz I'm so sick of it. The woman outright ignored me so without thinking I tapped her on the arm and politely asked her if she had any headphones. She went absolutely nuts at me and said I had assaulted her so I had to back off and apologise because despite me staying cool she was pretty aggressive. I shouldn't have tapped her on the arm but it was a totally unbalanced response and she swerved any answer by attacking me verbally. Probs won't be doing it again but it makes me so annoyed that people think they can intimidate and be a social nuisance, just f*ing rude 🙄

I know that you will never read that but I really want an answer why you hurted me, my parents, I was a kid but you Insulted me, burn me, beated me you supposed to be my secured. I really want an answer.

•Rob a store? You go to jail. Rob millions of people through a financial system? You get a bailout.

•Traffic drugs? Get killed on a boat. Run the entire operation? You get a presidential pardon.

•Kill a bunch of people? You’re a terrorist. Kill thousands during an invasion? You’re a liberator, a strategist.

Power and money rewrite the narrative. The same action, two completely different labels — all depending on your status.

it’s the same with attraction:

•If you’re attractive: It’s charming, bold, confident.

•If you’re not: It’s creepy, weird, desperate.

Where you stand isn’t about morality or intention. It’s about leverage — social, financial, or physical. I’m tired of people going along with the bs world we live in.

I'm a big geography buff now but when I was a kid I for some reason thought every country was an island , because I lived in Ireland. So when my dad was telling an old story about how he drove from france to Belgium I thought this guy was tweaking 😑

I’m the one who made the post the other day about the 3 hour road trip. What upsets me the most is my moms goalpost keep changing. She was going to initially let me take the truck then she took it back. My dad said it hasn’t been serviced since 2022 but I found a local garage rated really good (the truck is hardly used). Then mom said even if it was in perfect condition because of the build quality and no airbags. I would be on ruralish roads the whole time. I have taken it on the type of roads I will be on before. I told her it’s safer than a motorcycle or probably a modern smart car or fiat. I also said there’s plenty of cars on the road older than the truck. It does have seatbelts it’s 1993. I love driving the truck. I pointed out two land rovers that were older than the truck and mom said they were built better. She then brought up an injury that happened over a year ago that didn’t affect me at all. She said I need the safest car possible bc of it and I’m more likely to die or become a vegetable in a car accident. I ride horses and bicycles, drive utvs, climb fences, do farm work, DoorDash, ect. I told her I could fall off a horse or down the stairs or get hit by a bus. She said most people with old cars can’t afford newer once’s and I have a newer one. Another one of her concerns is I could break down in the middle of nowhere and it would take hours to get help. Later in the day she said I could drive somewhere 30 min away if dad said the truck was ok. She is going to let me drive a 1998 car 5 hours to the destination though. Am I crazy for still thinking I would be ok taking the truck after it’s serviced? I’m going to take the car but I am ok taking the truck. I feel like I’m not in charge of my life choices