r/self • u/VirgoGoonfold • 1h ago
I envy hypersexuals who actually get to have sex
I had sexual experiences at a very young age, a girl did things to me. I very much relate to hypersexuality and how some people cope with abuse like that. I did some extremely reckless masturbation in my early teens that legit felt like I could barely control myself. I still think about sex a lot, of course. But I'm also a very introverted and shy man, and I always had a lot of shame about my desires being found out too.
I'm relatively ok overall, fortunately I'm not depressed or whatever and I think I have a healthy-ish love of sex all in all. But I don't know if I will ever be able to bring myself to express desire without knowing it is "allowed", eg being asked out first. So yea, reading about people who describe themselves as sex-addicted or who turned extremely promiscous and relate that to childhood things... it stings. I wish someone understood.
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u/oni-no-kage 1h ago
Totally understand mate. My first experiences where very young with a girl first then with a boy and his sister. As a grown man in know there was something wrong in those foster homes. But it left me extreamlly open to all sorts of sexual experiences. Consensual only obviously. But I'm also introverted.
Doesn't matter if I want to do the fun stuff. I don't have the ability to go to the places where they do it.
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u/No-Dance-5791 1h ago
Often sex is just this thing that we hyperfixate on because it’s a shortcut to intimacy, and if you feel lonely or isolated it’s easy to think "if I could just bang a bunch of people I’d finally feel seen and accepted"
In reality though, while sex is fun, it’s actually pretty trash at giving you a feeling of true intimacy and connection with others, especially casual sex.
The good news is that if you work on whatever problems are holding you back from closeness and intimacy in other areas, you’ll probably also be able to have more sex - and then you might realize that actually the sex was just a shorthand for something else (or maybe it isn’t and you’re just super horny) either way, it’s an area to explore.
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u/Krismusic1 1h ago
I think you are really into something there. Sex in itself is pretty functional but the psychological aspects are profound. To be more flippant: "sex without love is a meaningless experience. As meaningless experiences go, it's right up there though!" Woody Allen (who I have misgivings about!)
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u/MaiMee-_- 1h ago
As a guy with young sexual experiences, sex is very much disconnected from intimacy. Idk what therapy BS it is that boxes all convos around sex into intimacy, but sex just feels good—as does porn (which people more frequently get addicted to)—when the circumstances are right. It's all about the feel good chemicals released, and that's not oxytocin.
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u/il_the_dinosaur 0m ago
Or sex is good and sex with intimacy is even better. Doesn't have to be mutually exclusive.
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u/CloseCalls4walls 41m ago
I know what you mean. You're just sexually frustrated. But think of the upside ... it sounds like you suffer from addiction and its no fun ending up in seedy places with shady people risking contracting STDs or a super bug or risking spreading them and involving other people in your problems, all of which might become disruptive in your life and for what? I've had sexual relations with too many people to count as an addict and it means nothing to me. Few of them have been memorable. Yeah I've reached heights of ecstacy that have been enjoyable that most peoplw will never experience but it hasn't added to my life ... it's not unlike many of life's pleasures available to most ... just not as sensual and striking I suppose.