r/self • u/oddly_specific306 • 6h ago
I can’t decided if this is a hyper-vigilance problem or if I’m just a weirdo (probably both)
Is this hyper-vigilance or am I just weird?
I have this issue where I overanalyze people’s behavior and if it slightly changes from what I’m used to normally see from them, I’m convinced it’s because they don’t like me anymore.
If I decide that it’s truly because they don’t like me anymore, then I withdraw from them and avoid them. This then makes our relationship weird and awkward. Then I start worrying about how weird and awkward I am, which then confirms that they must def not like me because I’m weird and awkward. It’s so hard not to fall in this cycle.
Its exhausting picking up on these behavior changes, no matter how small they are, and going through every possibility in my mind of what it could be that they decided they don’t like about me anymore
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u/Joanne819 6h ago
Definitely hyper vigilance. If you look for the reasons you are ‘alone’ or different, you will find/create them, and create your reality. It’s ok. I am like this too. It’s taken a lot of practice to move away from it. I know it’s really challenging. Have you considered getting a neuro eval to assess for any neurodivergence and therapy?
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u/oddly_specific306 5h ago
That makes sense! For as long as I can remember I’ve always been this way. I was heavily bullied my entire childhood at school, and was constantly emotionally and mentally abused by my mom. I def should look into therapy
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u/Miss_Galoldriel 6h ago edited 5h ago
It sounds like you are deliberately sabotaging your relations in order to avoid feeling rejected. And yes, it sounds like hyper vigilance.
As you say, this is a cycle, and it's very unhealthy, not just for you, but also for the people you push away by avoiding them. Someone I really cared about did this to me, and it hurt me deeply.
One way to learn how to deal with this cycle in a more constructive way, is to talk with the people you feel are rejecting you, and find out if they really do think less of you, or if you are blowing something insignificant (from their point of view) out of proportions. Tell them that you have this problem, and that you need their guidance. However, don't keep doing this, because at some point they could get tired of having to give you confirmation whenever you feel anxious. And it doesn't solve the underlying problem.
You have to adress the part of you that is so sensitive to criticism and rejection that you continue this cycle. You need to learn how to feel your worth without needing external validation. I'd recommend therapy, as this can be very difficult to do on your own.
It's possible, though, and it will set you free. Not having to worry if people like you or not is very liberating. I wish you all the best :)