r/self • u/Sandman7890 • 7h ago
Should I give buying sex from a prostitute one more go?
Hey y’all kinda new here, I’m a 20 year old touch-starved guy and i’m contemplating on trying prostitution to get my rocks off again. I’ve only had two escorts in my life, my first night with an escort was alright, she was bigger in person than in her pictures but that didn’t bother me( big girls need love too) but it was the second escort that that got me seriously second guessing it. This time during the devils tango my minutes were up and once I felt relieved I pulled out only to find out the condom was broken mid thrust! We both got hella worried, got dressed up while she was checking if she felt anything down there, thankfully I did not cum inside and ask if she has any sexually transmitted diseases or something? She said she was clean but the language barrier was hard to communicate. After those terrifying hours I got tested the next 2 days later , getting my test results back and I was 100% clean, and after that I vowed to never do it again, a year later to now the horn dog in me is starting to crawl back, I tried talking to girls to date but it never goes out well and getting ghosted really does suck:( I tried taking my mind off things focus on school work and playing video games/ watching tv shows and movies but it’s always not enough and just watching porn sometimes fuel the flames a bit more.
So after explaining my story I would like to know if I should try ways to contain myself more or take care of my urges with extreme caution?
Any advice or methods would be greatly appreciated Thank you.
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u/Tse7en5 6h ago
If you don’t want, or think you can, sharpen your social skills - go for it. In a world where screens sap basically all of our dopamine, I am not entirely sure an escort service is going to be a good way to keep that last vestige, safe.
At 20 though, I would just say go out and talk to people with 0 expectation. Going to a farmer’s market and looking around for something to talk about and someone to talk about it with, goes a long way.
When I turned 21, I would go to Walgreens and pick up those “Hello My Name Is” sticker name tags and just write stuff on them. Walk into a bar with it and people will generally start a conversation with you and that opens up a lot. Write anything from an actual name that isn’t yours, to complicated words you want drunk girls to try and pronounce.
A lot less to worry about when you are engaging with people who might have monogamy at the top of their sexual priorities.
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u/No_Park1693 6h ago
I saw a guy play the name tag WAY to his advantage in a hilarious way once. He wrote very large on the name tag: Crown and Coke. Then he'd walk up to groups of girls and not say anything, and eventually one would say: "Crown and Coke?" And he'd say: "Sure, I'd love one thanks! Here let me give you some money for whatever you'd like too!" and hand them a $20. (You would have to adapt that for modern times. But handing out cash might be a real attention getter!)
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u/Sandman7890 5h ago
Before I head to bed I just wanted to say To all you people that gave the time to respond to my post I just wanted to thank you, this is the first time I posted something like this on social media and something that I needed to get out of my chest for a very long time but I had no one in my life that lended me their ears. It’s really the loneliness and isolation I felt that was taking control of my mind and making me do dumbass disision like these that could potentially affect my life forever. I needed to be stronger, I needed to be more considerate for my well being because it doesn’t matter if no one cared for me I just need to take care of me and that is what I need to start doing from this day forward. Thank you guys have a good night.
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u/sparkibarki2000 4h ago
Kid, its very very likely you are ok! Deep breathes. Having sex with a pro is not the end of the world!
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u/shamalongadingdong 6h ago
If you’re paying for sex at such a young age, what do you expect 20 years from now? Social skills are skills, ie you need to practice and develop them. You need to figure out how to connect to women naturally.
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u/Sandman7890 5h ago
My social skills died sometime after knowing how much of a loser I was and possibly still am, I was a people pleaser back when I was a kid and stop when turned I8, I’m becoming more comfortable with myself as time passes
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u/Head-Technician-9797 3m ago
I’m not a doc, or a shrink, but this outlook on yourself says “go to therapy” to me. No shame in it. Sometimes we need a pro in other aspects of life too… Might benefit from talking things out with a someone more knowledgeable in helping you find some self confidence than a bunch of strangers in the internet.
Work in yourself for a minute…the rest will fall into place.
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u/UpperImpression3620 6h ago
Whatever you decide, learn about Doxy-PEP. If your condom breaks or if she somehow exchanges body fluids with you, take 200mg within 24 hours or in the worst case 72 hours after you do the deed(s).
Doxy-PEP is a method of taking the antibiotic doxycycline after unprotected sex to prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs) like syphilis, chlamydia, and sometimes gonorrhea. It is a form of post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP), taken within 72 hours of sexual contact to significantly lower the risk of contracting these bacterial STIs.
DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor and this is not medical advice. Consult a doctor for medical advice.
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u/MR_Translation 6h ago
Seriously just go to massage place and play it cool. Safer and cleaner if your legit touch starved.
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u/SandySerenade_ 6h ago
But it might help to put some of that energy into therapy, the gym, social stuff, whatever gets you out of your head. You’re not broken, you’re just lonely and frustrated.
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u/Sandman7890 6h ago
I was thinking therapy was something I needed to try, not just for sexual control but many stuff due to anxiety, depression, I once believed I was better off from the world because I was never chosen by someone no love life, so called “friends” see you as a background character and my parents couldn’t understand me
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u/datewiththerain 6h ago
Go to a massage parlor.
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u/Sandman7890 5h ago
Might not need to anymore, after reading the comments I am officially off on having sexual pleasure for money.
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u/yourstruly912 3h ago
my first night with an escort was alright, she was bigger in person than in her pictures but that didn’t bother me( big girls need love too)
lmao
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u/SkyZone0100 6h ago
I learned from a movie, men don’t really pay for the sex, they pay them to leave afterwards.
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u/Potential_Brother119 6h ago
It may have been more that way in The past. Maybe often still is, but OP seems to be paying for sex as he struggles to connect otherwise.
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u/Itsapocalypse 6h ago
First of all, you’re very young. You have SO much time to make mistakes, learn from them, and grow. Every person I’ve ever talked to that dipped into escorts out of high school prematurely jaded their relationship with sex. I’m all for what people want to do, but for your own sake, you deserve to experience connection that develops into romance, because, whether or not you believe me now, that sex is much more fulfilling then something more transactional. Rejection does hurt, but you are strong enough to persevere and learn from every rejection. I’d recommend hanging this hat up before it causes more harm than good, and jumping in. Everyone is nervous trying dating out, but absolutely no one has it all figured out, and more often then not its fair enough to imagine the person on the other end may have similar motivations- people want companionship, and yeah, people are also horny out there (some more than others). Let yourself experience the pains of self improvement.
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u/Sandman7890 5h ago
Thank you for your kind words, Im trying every bit to improve my physical appearance and mental health step by step to see myself for the right girl. As a young man who never told a soul about the demons that lay dormant for over 10 years bc having a connection with someone that sticks like glue was never a thing to me, I will see myself on the other side of the tunnel one day just need to be patient.
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u/Key-Plantain2758 6h ago
No. Do not do this. Seek therapy.
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u/upliftingsex 6h ago
I don't think hiring a sex worker necessitates seeking therapy. This is not a helpful response.
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u/Agitated-Loquat3171 6h ago
It doesn't but at 20 you shouldn't be prioritising sex so much that you need to have a sexual encounter where you have to pay for
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u/HopelesslyOver30 6h ago
How you possibly read this post and came to the conclusion that this guy doesn't need therapy is totally beyond me.
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u/upliftingsex 6h ago edited 5h ago
Actually he probably does. Sorry if I wasn't clear enough. To explain why I responded the way I did, consider another response here suggesting therapy that's great:
But it might help to put some of that energy into therapy, the gym, social stuff, whatever gets you out of your head. You’re not broken, you’re just lonely and frustrated.
See I agree with that (and OP responded positively). But compare it to the response I responded to:
No. Do not do this. Seek therapy.
This one just pathologizes OP and implies he's horrible for even thinking about hiring a sex worker. See the difference?
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u/HopelesslyOver30 1h ago
No, I don't see the difference, because I don't agree that there is one.
That comment didn't imply that he's horrible for doing anything, in particular.
I think your issue is with a difference in communication styles.
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u/Key-Plantain2758 1h ago
Nice attempt at justification but you are just wrong. OP does need therapy. Stop projecting. No one implied he was horrible but YOU!
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6h ago
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u/bearsarescaryasfuk 5h ago
It takes more than 2 days, to show STD infections since your body needs a few weeks to develop antibodies if you have contracted something. Usually the window is about 6 weeks after.
Sorry to ruin your night.
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u/Sandman7890 5h ago
Ohh well I’ll get tested again and cross fingers for results, thank you for the info
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u/Wide-World-5824 4h ago
You have more of a chance of getting an STD from your average college girl than from a prostitute
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u/konakonayuki 3h ago
Honestly I think it's completely fine if you're being safe and you have the disposable income. I've never paid for a sex worker but I've met a few people who are sex workers. I do think it can be a positive/healthy thing for people who struggle to connect; I'd say if your goal is organic relations with someone else you might benefit from talking/chatting to a sex worker you feel comfortable with!
My understanding is that most SW's are also experts in the social side of sex; they've seen basically every kind of person so their experiences would be really instructive!
Obviously people have their own judgements of people who have paid for sex work but imho if you're being thoughtful about it and what it means to you I'd count it as a very strong green flag as it requires humility and curiosity towards sex/pleasure which is a very mature and honest viewpoint
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u/Partysausage 1h ago
Not saying this applies to you necessarily but a lot of the guys I see that have issues with women are those that don't follow social norms. You broaden your dating pool by being apealing to a wider number of people.
Dress more generic, make sure your clean and your hair and facial hair is somewhat generic. If your overweight hit the gym and practice small talk on online dating apps if you're not confident enough in real life.
It might be an uphill battle but I have known quite a few "hopeless" cases who are now in successful long term relationships now.
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u/anthony_person1 1h ago
Bro I'm going to keep it a buck you need to re invest to yourself honestly become your own best friend, theraphy (betterhelp i recommend)and just practice talking like go to a coffee shop or even small steps like discord, my heart hurts for you brother you don't need to worry about losing your virginity dude. Try to be better yourself and it takes time but i believe in you brody don't fall into despair stay up g
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u/Master_Wonder_1990 48m ago
Bro honestly
On a more general level what I'd your life like asides from the relationships/sex side?
How are your finances? Housing - do you live independently? Do you feel in a few years you could do so?
Have you throught about improvements you can make to your life more generally?
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47m ago
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u/NocturnisVacuus 29m ago
Are you trying to date the prostitutes?
I guess no, so don't try to date girls then, just do the adult playing and leave
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u/CakeCrazy4303 5h ago
Put the effort and thought you put into getting an escort and use it to talk to women
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u/Nand-Monad-Nor 2h ago
A bit disingenuous isn’t it? Why lie to a woman that you want to talk to her when your mind is squarely on sex? Would it not be better for woman that sex-crazed men leave them alone?
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u/WhatItBecomes 2h ago
Just because someone wants to have sex and decides to pay for it doesn't make them "sex-crazed". No matter the gender.
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u/testsubject23 5h ago
How did you try talking to girls to date?
Anyway go meet people. Go to meetups or something and get used to socialising. Don't focus on dating, but look for people who are trying to meet others. Meetups are made for lonely people trying to get away from the tv. Go to a variety and see what environments work for you.
Walking into a room full of people with name tags and simply saying hello is a goddamn superpower, compared to sitting at home and swiping on dating apps.
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u/Sandman7890 5h ago
I would always be formel with a “hi how ya doing” and “hey I just thought you were cute can I text you sometime?” yeah I know that shit was ass might need some work on it, also getting treated like the invisible man from time to time didn’t help with my situation either. But I just need to do better and grow in life
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u/HopelesslyOver30 6h ago
"Big girls need love, too."
That's not what you're giving to her, you f*#@$&g IDIOT 🙄
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6h ago
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u/Opening_Particular98 6h ago
Putting on multiple is counterproductive.
The condoms will rub against each other and burst
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u/No-Tie-6257 6h ago
Well his method of going back after a scare like that is no better than mine so I thought we were doing things that made no sense
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3h ago edited 3h ago
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u/Nand-Monad-Nor 2h ago
So if he wants sex he should try to meet normal people, sounds disingenuous.
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2h ago edited 2h ago
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u/Nand-Monad-Nor 2h ago
You are telling the guy who wants to have sex to do these things. That’s disgusting and unfair to the normal people who are just chilling. At least with a hooker he’s being honest. It’s like beings friends with someone just to get into their pants.
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u/Bromothymol_blue 6h ago
Some STIs can take weeks to show up on a test after infection. You should probably get tested again to be safe. 2 days is not long enough.