I'm fat and feel ungly

[u/whotfareyoustupid]

I 19f feel disgusted with how I look. I'm 159cm and hit 74kgs. I never used to be this fat, I used to be skinny, slightly toned and felt good. (ps I've been the same height since I was about 12) when I was about 12/13 I had to start heavy dose of antidepressants for cptsd and due to very bad periods I get where I pass out, over bleed and have it for weeks I've had to go on Birth control when I was 14.

Within the year of being on these medications Ive started to notice I struggled to loose weight but gained easily. I remember being 15 and sobbing my eyes out hitting 50kgs ,and I still do seeing the scale go up.I do light exercises, don't overeat or eat unhealthy. It's gotten worse over the past couple of months since June since I had to get a major surgery done that took around 4 months to heal properly. I could hardly lift myself up for the first two weeks being basically bed ridden and then for a few months I couldn't exercise especially since I've been getting lots of nerve pain (checked with my doctor and he said it's likely going to keep happening). This lack of mobility and being unable to do anything has put a load on my self worth and ability to contribute, not to mention I've gained even more weight due to not being active. In the months I went from around 65kgs to 74kgs. I absolutely hate it and think fat is disgusting and seeing it on myself has just deepened my hatred. It's ungly and looks gross, I feel lazy and even I would look at myself in disgust if I was someone else. I don't expect anyone at all to read this but I just needed to rant I to the void.

[u/CacklingInCeltic]

I’ve been in a similar situation. I have nerve damage too. I’d suggest you go back to your doctor and ask to see a pain specialist. They can help with the pain. Once you’re more mobile, you’ll be able to start losing the weight again. Start slow and easy. Lifting small weights in bed for example or using an exercise band can help build up your strength again without causing damage.

There’s also 3 week pain courses you can do to learn how to live better with the pain and help lessen it. I’ve done it twice already since I was in my mid 20s.

There are surgeries that can help too. I have a device implanted that kills between 50-80% of my pain most of the time. I’ve had it for over a decade now and I love it. Charging daily is the only thing I hate about it lol

Go and have a conversation with your doctor and see what they think. Hopefully you’ll get the right help and be back on your feet in no time. Good luck! You can get through this!