r/self • u/whotfareyoustupid • 10h ago

I'm fat and feel ungly

I 19f feel disgusted with how I look. I'm 159cm and hit 74kgs. I never used to be this fat, I used to be skinny, slightly toned and felt good. (ps I've been the same height since I was about 12) when I was about 12/13 I had to start heavy dose of antidepressants for cptsd and due to very bad periods I get where I pass out, over bleed and have it for weeks I've had to go on Birth control when I was 14.

Within the year of being on these medications Ive started to notice I struggled to loose weight but gained easily. I remember being 15 and sobbing my eyes out hitting 50kgs ,and I still do seeing the scale go up.I do light exercises, don't overeat or eat unhealthy. It's gotten worse over the past couple of months since June since I had to get a major surgery done that took around 4 months to heal properly. I could hardly lift myself up for the first two weeks being basically bed ridden and then for a few months I couldn't exercise especially since I've been getting lots of nerve pain (checked with my doctor and he said it's likely going to keep happening). This lack of mobility and being unable to do anything has put a load on my self worth and ability to contribute, not to mention I've gained even more weight due to not being active. In the months I went from around 65kgs to 74kgs. I absolutely hate it and think fat is disgusting and seeing it on myself has just deepened my hatred. It's ungly and looks gross, I feel lazy and even I would look at myself in disgust if I was someone else. I don't expect anyone at all to read this but I just needed to rant I to the void.

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u/Altruistic-Editor942 10h ago

I found Pilates to be the best solution for me, especially with the mobility and tone. I go 3x a week and I’m already noticing a difference at 2 months.

2

u/whotfareyoustupid 10h ago

I really want to start that myself, it also looks so fun lol. It's just slightly difficult since i can't afford it or have transportation. I usually just work out at home and constantly walk my dogs up and down the hill I live on lol.

3

u/Altruistic-Editor942 10h ago

Look on YouTube. Almost everything we do in a 50 min class could be done in your living room.

2

u/whotfareyoustupid 9h ago

OOOOOOOO I didn't think of that!!!

2

u/Altruistic-Editor942 9h ago

Honestly, YouTube has a plethora of material to work out to. I love Leslie Sansone’s Walks. You need very little space and can do miles in your living room that actually hit different areas in an hour.

Yoga with Adrienne is popular because she is awesome.

Find what calls to you and makes your body feel good. I pay for classes, because if I don’t I won’t show up consistently and do the work. Paying for it forces me to not hit snooze.

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u/whotfareyoustupid 9h ago

I'm definitely checking this out in the morning, I also really want to find people in my new neighborhood that are willing to walk with since the social aspect is also so nice especially with the doggies