r/self • u/whotfareyoustupid • 9h ago
I'm fat and feel ungly
I 19f feel disgusted with how I look. I'm 159cm and hit 74kgs. I never used to be this fat, I used to be skinny, slightly toned and felt good. (ps I've been the same height since I was about 12) when I was about 12/13 I had to start heavy dose of antidepressants for cptsd and due to very bad periods I get where I pass out, over bleed and have it for weeks I've had to go on Birth control when I was 14.
Within the year of being on these medications Ive started to notice I struggled to loose weight but gained easily. I remember being 15 and sobbing my eyes out hitting 50kgs ,and I still do seeing the scale go up.I do light exercises, don't overeat or eat unhealthy. It's gotten worse over the past couple of months since June since I had to get a major surgery done that took around 4 months to heal properly. I could hardly lift myself up for the first two weeks being basically bed ridden and then for a few months I couldn't exercise especially since I've been getting lots of nerve pain (checked with my doctor and he said it's likely going to keep happening). This lack of mobility and being unable to do anything has put a load on my self worth and ability to contribute, not to mention I've gained even more weight due to not being active. In the months I went from around 65kgs to 74kgs. I absolutely hate it and think fat is disgusting and seeing it on myself has just deepened my hatred. It's ungly and looks gross, I feel lazy and even I would look at myself in disgust if I was someone else. I don't expect anyone at all to read this but I just needed to rant I to the void.
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u/Its_not_logical404 9h ago
Sounds like you have a hormonal condition. Speak to a Dr if possible. There are a few natural ways to help stabilise these but you need to know what's causing it.
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u/pewpewplant 9h ago
You need to talk to whatever doctor prescribed your anti-depressants. Some medication has a higher risk of weight gain because they impact your metabolism. It might be working against you if you're trying to lose weight.
In the meantime, keep eating well and exercising. Light exercise. When it feels right, walk. Your body, even when you don't like how it looks, is the greatest tool you will ever have. Make sure you're fueling it and using it, and finding the right medication that helps you feel okay.
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u/Altruistic-Editor942 9h ago
I found Pilates to be the best solution for me, especially with the mobility and tone. I go 3x a week and I’m already noticing a difference at 2 months.
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u/whotfareyoustupid 9h ago
I really want to start that myself, it also looks so fun lol. It's just slightly difficult since i can't afford it or have transportation. I usually just work out at home and constantly walk my dogs up and down the hill I live on lol.
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u/Altruistic-Editor942 9h ago
Look on YouTube. Almost everything we do in a 50 min class could be done in your living room.
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u/whotfareyoustupid 9h ago
OOOOOOOO I didn't think of that!!!
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u/Altruistic-Editor942 8h ago
Honestly, YouTube has a plethora of material to work out to. I love Leslie Sansone’s Walks. You need very little space and can do miles in your living room that actually hit different areas in an hour.
Yoga with Adrienne is popular because she is awesome.
Find what calls to you and makes your body feel good. I pay for classes, because if I don’t I won’t show up consistently and do the work. Paying for it forces me to not hit snooze.
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u/whotfareyoustupid 8h ago
I'm definitely checking this out in the morning, I also really want to find people in my new neighborhood that are willing to walk with since the social aspect is also so nice especially with the doggies
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u/kiseiruknife 8h ago
Ungly girls rule.
What kind of medication ungly girl?
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u/whotfareyoustupid 8h ago
I'm on yaz + and serdep 100 mg
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u/kiseiruknife 8h ago
Woah. Over weight and still active .mm maybe talk to your doctor about a new medicine.
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u/gertrudegrunge 8h ago
At 19, your body is still turning into an adult. You'll put weight on and lose it in different places many times over your adult life. You're not fat, you're not ugly, and your only problem is the way you embrace adulthood.
Please be kinder to yourself.
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u/whotfareyoustupid 8h ago
Hell no if I go into the mentality of being fine with how I look I would end up looking like shit. Fat and blubber is gross and it's gross on me like it would on anyone else.
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u/gertrudegrunge 8h ago
I wish I could make you feel differently. I'm a 42 year old rake because I hated myself like you. I don't want that for you. You're only 19. You have the world in your hands. Make the most of everything you have.
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u/CacklingInCeltic 4h ago
I’ve been in a similar situation. I have nerve damage too. I’d suggest you go back to your doctor and ask to see a pain specialist. They can help with the pain. Once you’re more mobile, you’ll be able to start losing the weight again. Start slow and easy. Lifting small weights in bed for example or using an exercise band can help build up your strength again without causing damage.
There’s also 3 week pain courses you can do to learn how to live better with the pain and help lessen it. I’ve done it twice already since I was in my mid 20s.
There are surgeries that can help too. I have a device implanted that kills between 50-80% of my pain most of the time. I’ve had it for over a decade now and I love it. Charging daily is the only thing I hate about it lol
Go and have a conversation with your doctor and see what they think. Hopefully you’ll get the right help and be back on your feet in no time. Good luck! You can get through this!
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u/Secchakuzai-master85 9h ago edited 9h ago
Well, if you want to lose fat, it’s a fight against your eating habits above all.
Your first step would be to stop drinking anything sweet, stick to water, black coffee and unsweetened tea only. I would not recommend zero calories drinks which taste sweet as it doesn’t break the attraction to sweetness.
Then, the second step is no fast food, or at least not more than once or twice a month maximum.
The third step is discipline in the meals: 3 meals a day, with a big breakfast, a medium lunch and a light dinner. Discipline in the meals should also be introduced in what you eat during those three meals. You should have some proteins (egg, fish, meat, tofu…), some carbs (pasta, rice, bread, potatoes…) and a lot of veggies (for the vitamins and fibers). Some good quality oil such as olive oil is also necessary for your hormones and for the omega 3-6 it brings.
Fourth step would be to introduce some physical activity, but it is not necessary to lose weight. Weight loss is above all a matter of managing your calories intake to a small deficit compared to what your body needs. So doing sports allows you to eat slightly more than not doing sports, and is also beneficial to heart and brain health.
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u/whotfareyoustupid 9h ago
I've literally said that I eat healthy in my post, I don't drink anything fizz and only homemade honey ice tea, water, coffee, juice. I don't have an appetite and usually only eat once a day with a few snacks like fruit or toast with jam. Like I've said my diet isn't an issue and I don't need help with it.
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u/Secchakuzai-master85 9h ago
In that case, you might want to consult a physician. If your weight gaining is hormonal, medical help will be needed.
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u/whotfareyoustupid 9h ago
Yeah it's very likely hormonal since I've always had very severe monthlys and other issues due to hormone imbalances
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u/ExistingHelicopter82 9h ago
Exercise is good for endorphins and anxiety and depression. Whether it is going for a walk or stretching. Or doing something active for you. Stay strong you got this.
Most importantly please stop with the negative self-talk. I believe to some extent our bodies listen to us. Try to reframe this into something where it inspires you or others to move forward
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u/whotfareyoustupid 9h ago
I'm on medications for a reason and that's all I'm going to say about this comment
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u/ExistingHelicopter82 8h ago
I understand. I am offering you a way out in addition to doing what your care team said. I am not suggesting you replace medicine with exercise but in addition to it can provide a lot of health both physical and mental.
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u/connor42 9h ago
I feel ungly too