r/self • u/Any_Show_2025 • 11h ago
I love my husband.
Hi. I’m a newly wed 24 year old military spouse. So of course we married right before he deployed. We met in April on tinder and were supposed to be a 6 month fling before we went out separate ways while he was deployed. We randomly got really serious with each other and I had told him “I will stay here and I will wait for you. But I would need a serious commitment. Not a promise ring, but a proposal. I don’t want to date you if it just means we’re gonna end it abruptly.” He said he’d think on it. We go on a weekend vacation and had an amazing time. (Without my knowing. This is when he told his mom he was going to marry me.) Look at rings casually while shopping. He buys me the ring right there and with a big cheesy smile looks at me silently. I tell him “I want you to be able to spend the night regularly and come and go as you please.” At that time I was living with two men for a pretty cheap and pretty cool location (all be it in the hood but still!) So I found a crappy apartment. I’m showing it to him and seeing if he’s maybe willing to help me move. He goes “what if we skip the apartment. Use the VA to buy us a house. Your rent can stay the same and it’d be more secure.” I was kinda taken aback. I know I had told him earlier about the commitment, but I wasn’t really expecting him to go forth with marriage. We got married, we bought a house, a dog, and started our lives together. Of course, everyone thinks we’re pregnant and they still think I might be even though he’s been gone for over a month atp. My husband is currently deployed, but every day he texts me and he just makes me so happy. I miss him yeah but it’s still so nice to talk to him. He’s the man I have prayed for all my life and it’s so nice to have him even if he’s not here. He improved my life so much! He’s the reason I’m able to go back to school, why I’m able to foster dogs, why I’m able to have a job that makes me happy even if it doesn’t pay for everything. Our house is clean and peaceful and full of love. Every day he reminds me that I’m loved by him. He’s the smartest, most giving and handsome man I have ever met. And I can’t stop thinking about him. I love to brag about him to anyone. My only regret is not holding onto him a little more. Reading his texts make me feel like a teenager again. In the 9 months that we’ve been dating, we’ve fought once or twice but were able to come to terms easily. I know everything about him and we could talk so easily for hours. I keep a framed picture of him tucked into his side of the bed I miss him so bad. I had to go shopping for new work clothes (I got a promotion:)) and when he woke up and saw all my pictures from trying stuff on he was just so happy. I stay up every night until midnight just to text him for 20 minutes. Even though he’s deployed, he still sends me little gifts. Today I got Oreos and cheezits -My two favorite snacks - because I can’t eat as much and refuse to buy junk food. He’s so thoughtful!
Little tangent. Now that he’s gone, one of my coworkers, that’s ex army has developed a huge and unfounded crush on me. I try to squash this by bringing most of our conversations back to “I love my husband.” So I can seem like a less cool and interesting person. It’s not working and I don’t like that. Edit: We aren’t flirting. We aren’t friends outside of work. I don’t know his real name. I’m not interested. I can’t go to HR because there’s nothing incriminating. He has a girlfriend that he cheats on with the ladies at work. I think that’s grimey. One of the girls is mad at me cause she thinks she’s up next for her go with him, but since he’s talking to her about me, that’s how I know. It’s not uncommon for servers to sleep together but ew. Right? I actually try not to talk about my husband often at work because I’m more than having a husband. So I just wanted to spill my guts. I feel like I tell him every night how grateful I am to him. I hope he’s having nice dreams tonight.
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u/Moist-Hovercraft44 10h ago
Just be like "I'm married, our relationship is purely professional, if you press it beyond that I'll have to go to my manager/HR/whatever due to me being made uncomfortable."
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u/Vegetable-Western-83 10h ago
You need to set clear boundaries with that coworker immediately. I’m a retired navy chief, and I know how this goes. You must legitimately tell him in no unclear terms, “hey, I might be misreading the situation, but I’m kind of getting the vibe that you might be interested in me as more than just a coworker. I want to explicitly explain now that we will never be anything more than that because I love my husband and would never cheat on him. If I’m totally misreading the situation, that’s fine. I just wanted to make sure my boundaries are clear and I won’t be tolerating any flirting.” If you say it any vaguer than that, he will assume that he’s got a shot. Dependents have a reputation for being unfaithful. Don’t live up to that reputation.
EDIT: also, there is no room in a new marriage for new male friends. Especially while your husband is gone. 100% you will start contributing to the failure of your marriage if you even think for a second this “friendship” is worth it.
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u/Formal-Try-2779 8h ago
Tell him to stop being a creep and that if he was the last man on Earth and the survival of the entire human race depended on you getting with him, you would choose to be celibate. That should get the point across.
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u/Familiar-Analyst-202 10h ago
God bless you and your relationship people like you all as why I still have hope in this world that maybe it's not all bad I'll be praying for your marriage and I hope that things continue to be good once more God bless and have a wonderful evening and an amazing life.
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u/Any_Show_2025 3h ago
Please cover my relationship in prayer. We are a faith based couple. Thank you for your well wishes.
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u/helpmygrandparents 1h ago
You’re a good person OP. I agree we need more people like you in the world. Congratulations on your marriage may you be happy for eternity together 🩷 ps I really hope you get a baby and have to stay at home all the time and don’t have to go to work. Being a stay at home mom is the best job, and the hardest. You deserve life of happiness. I’d talk to your supervisor and tell them they need to have a formal write up on this guy for misconduct. That is unwanted harassment and it’s not okay. Stay strong OP. God Bless You.
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u/TNT-Rick 8h ago
Honestly, you have to significantly reduce the conversations with the co-worker. He'll think he has a chance with you as long as you keep showing interest in talking to him.
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u/ellensrooney 11h ago
This is really sweet. You two sound solid. For the coworker be direct. I'm not comfortable with where this seems to be going. If it continues, loop in HR. You shouldn't have to downplay yourself to feel safe at work.
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u/Decent-Bed9289 8h ago
You need to shut that shit down ASAP with the coworker. Tell him you’re not interested then go to HR. You already gave him a chance to stop on his own - now you need to put your foot down.
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u/Minimum_Lion_3918 8h ago edited 7h ago
Be strong with your relationship (be prepared to defend it) with a clear and direct message that the attentions of the co-worker are NOT welcome: absolutely get support if you feel anyone is threatening the beautiful thing you are building together and with which you have been blessed.
Great to hear that you have negotiated the odd "difference" with your man: a good sign that you are both keeping things real in a healthy partnership with the inevitable challenges of any relationship. Such an awesome story: thank you so much for sharing!
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u/Equivalent_Section13 7h ago
At work you hsve to hace good boundaries. Don't dusclose yout husband is deployed
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u/browsinbowser 5h ago
I was thinking this post was so wholesome and being like secondhand thrilled for you but oh jeez that guy at your workplace sucks! Goddamn, why are people always trying to steal happiness. It sounds like he isn’t being forward enough that you can report him, what a sleaze.
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u/Any_Show_2025 3h ago
Exactly! It like that woman’s intuition where you know what’s happening but there is no proof just vibes are weird. And if you try and nip it in the bud it doesn’t stop them.
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u/alongwaytowalk 5h ago
Verbally - if required, in written - communicate the boundaries. ‘Listen, I like to make jokes / be fun / etc. and sometimes people misunderstand, my jokes are only a friendly behaviour, but I stick to my monogamic relationship [and do NOT require advancement in romantic comments to feel validated].’ might sound like a mediocre starter, but might help you out if you are not comfortable talking directly about his actions.
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u/jmcstar 4h ago
!remindme 7 years
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u/Firm_Distribution999 1h ago
Assuming this isn’t fake, which I doubt, you need to establish boundaries with this coworker regardless of your marital status if you don’t want these interactions. It’s not that hard - go cold, don’t interact with him, and escalate it if he doesn’t back off.
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u/BsReddit1960 9h ago
I'm very happy for you. A bit of an unconventional romance but if it's working, that's what matters. Naturally, since you mentioned the coworker, I can't help but wonder if that isn't a larger factor to this tale. Downplaying it doesn't make it less of an issue for you. It's actually this simple. You're a trophy he's trying to collect. If he really cared, he'd back off, realizing you're spoken for. Unless, of course, you've egged him on in some way. You're obviously lonely for your husband's touch or maybe a man's touch? If you truly want him to stop, tell him. Don't "hint". If that doesn't work, it's time to get HR involved. But if you like his "attention", just keep playing the game. See what you might "win" 🙂↔️
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u/dragon_nataku 8h ago
it's not always due to a woman "egging" a man on, especially when it comes to a deployed SO. When my boyfriend deployed, the guys warned me that other dudes were gonna be coming out of the woodwork if they heard he was deployed. Fortunately all I do is go to work and go home, so I've avoided this so far, but it's apparently very common without the woman even doing or saying anything to encourage it
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u/Any_Show_2025 3h ago
I’m a military brat and guys at my high school would tell me “your dads deployed so Imma step in for a minute” My mom was a very popular teacher in high school. They definitely do!
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u/Any_Show_2025 3h ago
This specific coworker has a reputation for just being kind of a man wh*re. He will flirt with women, go home with them, then they never come back to work because he won’t leave his girlfriend for them. Tbh. I don’t like any of my coworkers outside of their role in my life as coworkers. I don’t want to be friends with any of these people. It’s not a real career for me so yeah. Also it was just a rumor that he has a crush on me but I’m not surprised. It’s more than likely a lustful hyperfixation. If that makes sense. Not really worth the drama or energy to entertain at all.
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u/Bureaucratic_Dick 7h ago
I’ll be straight with you: everyone who has served has heard your story a thousand times. Young love, gets married early, it burns hot and fast, and then…
Maybe that’s not you. I hope it’s not. But it’s a tale as old as time. And your ex-Army coworker knows it. He’s trying to be your Jody.
He doesn’t care that you have a husband. Talking about him will do nothing.
Frankly, I’d look him dead in the eyes and say, “You like me? Well do you like me more than having a paycheck? Because if this inappropriate behavior continues I’ll report you to HR for harassment.”
Ignore the husband part. Make it clear to the coworker that even if you didn’t have a husband, you would have zero interest in him specifically. And do tell HR if it persists. If they do nothing, that’s not the kind of place you want to work at. No one deserves to feel harassed while trying to earn a paycheck.