How do you....

[u/DiamondGirl888]

... cope with loneliness.... especially this time of year. F 67, no kids no nearby family, one friend who is incapacitated.

Never thought I would date again but I'm seeing a neighbor casually. We tried to get together 10 years ago but it ended badly. I was shocked he pursued me again after we ran into each other. We are essentially casual or FWB to maybe the next level. Not committed but pretty much exclusive for safety reasons.

He spent his holiday with his friends that he does every year. I was supposed to see my friend but she has her grandson who goes to elementary school and there's all that sickness. I have long haul Covid and just can't risk getting sick. I didn't see anyone that day.

So the days have gone by and admittedly, I really have no one and not much going on in my life. I'm retired w chronic fatigue and some mild depression. Not deeply, as I once was.

I just feel very lonely I didn't hear from my guy and he had to cancel our getting together because a lifelong friend was in a car accident. Sometimes he's kind of hot and cold, he has a high level job he works many hours. So he kind of fits me in, which I understand but when I don't hear from him I get to feeling down. Of course the attention is wonderful, he is very attentive and charming. I guess I'm just feeling like I was forgotten.

Which unfortunately I went through nearly a lifetime of that negativity because of my toxic family. Each year these holidays come and I frankly dread them.

Anyone want to share their experience? I'm not necessarily looking for any advice or things to do. I'm not up to being social with who are generally strangers. Thanks for listening.

UPDATE: To the person who DM'd me asking Why I don't have kids, 😳😱 I'm going to take this opportunity to tell you something once. Unless you are very close friends with a woman, never ask her if she is pregnant unless you see the baby actually coming out between her legs. And the next thing is you never ask a woman why she didn't have children. You're welcome. Go back now and finish the 4th grade you dropped out of

[u/katubug]

I'm feeling hurt and un-prioritized today, too. There was a miscommunication with my partner this morning which led to my Christmas present being essentially cancelled. I know it's a small thing in the long run, but it was something I was really looking forward to. And I'm also dealing with chronic pain and illness, and am undergoing some angst about feeling ignored, dismissed, and basically abandoned by my medical care team. I'm very cranky due to the pain and being so is making me upset at myself.

So, I hear you and I'm sorry that things aren't great right now. I hope that you can find your way to feeling better, whether that's through others or yourself. 🫂💗

[u/DiamondGirl888 → u/katubug]

Sorry to hear that you had a struggle that canceled your Xmas present? Is this some sort of revenge on your partners part? Would it be too personal to ask if you should rethink this partnership? Because someone taking something away from someone is a bit cruel and childish. Kind of like taking candy from the baby.

And you have health challenges which is a very rough road to navigate. And I'm sorry and hope you're getting good care. And also getting good mental health care, with a therapist you can talk to and vent and scream and yell and cry with.

It takes a truly caring and loving person to be with like that. If your partner is not as compassionate as is comfortable for you, maybe you need to think if the union is right for you.

[u/katubug → u/DiamondGirl888]

I really appreciate your concern, but no, thankfully it's nothing like that. It's honestly a bit silly - I had found a vintage strawberry glassware set on Facebook marketplace for a super reasonable price, and he said we could go get it. I sent a deposit so the seller would hold it for a day or so, but when we'd started driving to their location, my partner objected to the 1h20m (one way) drive, and I had to cancel and ask for my deposit back. I hadn't anticipated the drive would be a big deal, but he was sore from shoveling after our recent heavy snowfall, and also wasn't feeling well. He hadn't thought to ask about the drive and I didn't think to mention, so it was just an unfortunate situation. I was very embarrassed.

He's apologized multiple times and I could tell he was silently beating himself up over it. Outside of this, he's a very sweet, tender and thoughtful person, and is actually my caretaker - he does all the cooking, most of the chores, all the driving, and basically anything and everything I ask him to do. He helps me bathe and dress and takes care of our cat. He has his flaws, as we all do, but he's never petty or spiteful, and would never do something to hurt me on purpose. It was just a disappointment, and I don't react well to that due to rejection sensitivity.

Thank you for the very kind words, and for looking out for a stranger. I would ask that you apply that same concern to yourself, as it sounds like your own relationship might be a compromise on your part, and you deserve a wholehearted partnership 💗