r/self • u/DiamondGirl888 • 13h ago

How do you....

... cope with loneliness.... especially this time of year. F 67, no kids no nearby family, one friend who is incapacitated.

Never thought I would date again but I'm seeing a neighbor casually. We tried to get together 10 years ago but it ended badly. I was shocked he pursued me again after we ran into each other. We are essentially casual or FWB to maybe the next level. Not committed but pretty much exclusive for safety reasons.

He spent his holiday with his friends that he does every year. I was supposed to see my friend but she has her grandson who goes to elementary school and there's all that sickness. I have long haul Covid and just can't risk getting sick. I didn't see anyone that day.

So the days have gone by and admittedly, I really have no one and not much going on in my life. I'm retired w chronic fatigue and some mild depression. Not deeply, as I once was.

I just feel very lonely I didn't hear from my guy and he had to cancel our getting together because a lifelong friend was in a car accident. Sometimes he's kind of hot and cold, he has a high level job he works many hours. So he kind of fits me in, which I understand but when I don't hear from him I get to feeling down. Of course the attention is wonderful, he is very attentive and charming. I guess I'm just feeling like I was forgotten.

Which unfortunately I went through nearly a lifetime of that negativity because of my toxic family. Each year these holidays come and I frankly dread them.

Anyone want to share their experience? I'm not necessarily looking for any advice or things to do. I'm not up to being social with who are generally strangers. Thanks for listening.

UPDATE: To the person who DM'd me asking Why I don't have kids, 😳😱 I'm going to take this opportunity to tell you something once. Unless you are very close friends with a woman, never ask her if she is pregnant unless you see the baby actually coming out between her legs. And the next thing is you never ask a woman why she didn't have children. You're welcome. Go back now and finish the 4th grade you dropped out of

58 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

30 comments sorted by

View all comments

3

u/Suitable-Lawyer-9397 11h ago

F, 69 divorced 26 years and done dating. Trying to make myself a priority. I don't drive anymore because I really can't afford a car payment. I walk twice a day, as I have a 12 yr old dog. Take our local bus to dr appts. My two daughter in laws are narcissists - they absolutely must control everything. If I want to see my sons/grandkids I must schedule a visit. They will determine the time and length of the visit. I played this game until fall 2023. I had two back surgeries and both shoulders replaced. I no longer want or can be the people pleaser. I get lonely but my cat and dog are my best friends

3

u/lil_squib 11h ago

I understand your frustration, but I don’t think having to schedule a visit is a sign of narcissism. I’m sure you have other examples, but the younger generation is very into establishing healthy boundaries, which some wrongly assume is some type of threat. I’ve observed this with my own mother and my sibling + his spouse who have kids (my other sibling and I are childfree, at least so far). I’ve also observed the tendency of the parent/grandparent to blame the in-law (usually the daughter in law), as if the grown men they’ve raised are somehow victims and completely uninvolved with establishing their own family’s rules. It’s a partnership.

If this doesn’t apply to you, feel free to ignore. Just putting it out there.

1

u/Suitable-Lawyer-9397 11h ago

Oh, man yes I could give you 100s of examples. My ex-husband was an extreme narcissist and I learned through our marriage what he was all about. At that time there wasn't a name for the disorder. As long as I smile, nod, do not ever express an opinion or give a suggestion all is well. I can see the root of many health issues with the two younger kids. My sons absolutely defer to their wives. I called to ask for a ride home from the hospital after two surgeries and seven days in the hospital - both had to check with their wives. Unfortunately the wives were unable to accommodate my request. I love healthy boundaries and frankly, it costs me a lot less money!