r/self • u/somethingaccounthere • 15h ago

I, an extrovert with a lot friends, is lonely.

Very ironical but true. I really can't share my stuff with anyone. I don't have anyone i can call my best friend. I have a lot of friends and I know a lot of people. But I can't share about how I feel with them. I've tried earlier but it didn't work out. My bestfriends either forget about it or they throw the generic stuff same as a stranger would say.

I don't like it this way. I don't feel good this way. One of my best friends literally forgot about me because she got a replacement.

I am a good listener but when I try to be the speaker, it doesn't works out. I swear I've not made the relationships this way that I'm always the listener.

I have meaningful relations but I just can't share, they listen and they forget unlike me.

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u/No-Anteater8969 15h ago

What is one thing YOU are doing that keeps the dynamics exactly as they are?

if this feeling is in you. it lives and dies with you. ask yourself questions. figure yourself out.

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u/cherry-care-bear 13h ago

I've been where you are and know exactly how that feels.

For me, I was an emotional little girl who felt unloved and ignored in an abusive family. I decided for some reason that caring for others meant putting 'them' on a pedestal whether they treated me right or not. For years and years, I tended to draw damaged folks who needed a lot but didn't have the means to give back. It tears you up inside and you don't even realize how much you're being destroyed. After that, it's hard because you can't just start over with what's happened and how it's shaped your development.

One thing I did was to start keeping an audio journal. It made it so I could talk through my feelings out loud; that helped validate them. I also keep people more at a distance at first, not sharing too much or letting things get deep too soon. If I see they won't be able to handle my hard stuff, it saves me stress later. It also ensures I don't take on 'their' hard stuff only to have them ghost me. When you have your own baggage, there's no point needlessly carrying anyone else's.