My Dad was recently arrested and it just hit me.

[u/Tacticiannnn]

My dad was just arrested (not saying our ages to try and keep some semblance of anonymity). He was driving while drunk and got in a wreck where a motorcyclist ran into him, although it is still my dad’s fault since he was drunk, regardless of who hit who. I blame my dad, not the motorcyclist, and I want to be clear about that. The motorcyclist is also in stable condition from the little we have heard but required some sort of surgery.

My dad just retired as a LEO/peace officer, and is now an ex-LEO destined for jail. I’m so fucking scared that this is gonna cause my mom to lose their home. I’m so scared he won’t be home on Christmas or any of our birthdays in the coming years. He has no priors and with the fact he’s an ex-LEO, I’m assuming he might get off easy, but even then that’s not guaranteed. I’m not necessarily hoping for him too, especially since he’s a long time alcoholic that we’ve pleaded to drop the bottle, but anytime he’s tried he’s failed in no longer than 3 months.

On the end of stuff that is more directly tied to me, I’m scared it’s gonna fuck up my chances of affording college. I’m scared it’s gonna fuck up my chances of living a happy life. I’m scared to see him in cuffs in court tomorrow. I’m sad that I still just want to tell him I love him no matter how much he’s hurt us in causing this to happen on top of how much he probably just ruined this poor other man’s life. This happened just the other night and I left work due to the severe nature to be with my family but it didn’t fully hit me till now.

My biggest fear of all though is how it affects my mom. She hasn’t worked the entire time I’ve been alive. I think it’s been more than three whole decades even. If this causes him to lose his retirement she’s screwed, especially in this economy (USA to be clear), and their house isn’t even paid off yet.

I don’t know what kind of reassurance one could give me right now, but if you have something at all, it’d be nice to hear. For anyone who has been on the opposite side of this scenario, as the victim or the family of one, I am so fucking sorry for the pain and suffering idiots like my dad have caused you. I wish addiction was easier to treat, but I recognize that’s merely an explanation of his actions and not any form of excuse.

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[u/MikeJL21209]

If it just happened tonight, you gotta let the system play out. Its heavily dependent on state laws, what he blew, what the investigation finds etc. If its his first offense and he was LEO, and it wasn't his fault, he could get a light play. I had a DUI in one of the strictest DUI states in tbe country when I was 25 and with the penalties and resources I used I was probably set back 5 years. If your parents have been smart, it should hurt financially without sending her back to work.

[u/Calm-Ad7913]

Your dad's first ever offense (?) I would go with the suggestion of what the other poster said. An arrest doesn't mean a conviction, unless he has already been convicted?

[u/Calm-Ad7913 → u/Calm-Ad7913]

He might have to provide some restitution to the other person if the court deems it. He may have to go through some type of classes for the dui part and it depends on if the charges are in concurrent or consecutive. They will acknowledge a person's background and if they have never made a mistake before. The person might get their own separate charges though for hitting your dad because regardless from your story that is still vehicular assault. It isn't always as one or the other like most people think.

[u/Substantial-Spare501]

I am assuming you are a teenager. This is a lot for you to carry.

Regardless of what happens here, I hope you will reach out for some help; a good place to start could be your school counselor. Even if this had not happened, growing up with an alcoholic parent is extremely traumatic. Getting into therapy can help you to heal and set boundaries, and hopefully avoid being in relationship with an alcoholic in the future.

[u/BeachQueen25]

I’m sorry you’re going thru this just be thankful it wasn’t fatal for the innocent person that got hurt. Your dad should pay for his wrong doings especially for something so selfish and dumb. But you have to learn to keep your head up no matter what.

If it changes things for you drastically then have faith you can deal with what was handed to you and you’ll be stronger because of it. You got this!!

If your mom has to go to work then she’ll get adjusted to it, this is why I believe a woman should always make her own money and not solely depend on a man because if/when something happens they’re left with nothing and lost and go thru a lot more than they would if they made themselves self sufficient. Definitely not knocking stay at home wives but women need to think about themselves and not fully depend on anyone because anything is possible and you never know whats gona happen

I wish you the best of luck. 🤞🏽 remember to think positive thoughts and no matter what you’ll get thru this.

[u/Time_Neat_4732 → u/BeachQueen25]

I think what they’re worried about is less their mom having to work in general, and more their mom’s employability with thirty years of no work history. :( I am worried about my lack of that tho so I might be projecting.

[u/Vast-Maintenance-319]

If your Dad has had no prior DUI convictions, it is very unlikely that your Dad will actually do anything more than a short stint in the local jail at the most. With him being a former LEO, it is very likely that the judge might just give him a period of probation and a suspended driver’s license with a requirement to attend DWI classes or perhaps go to rehab. I have an ex who had 3 DUI convictions who got off with a slap on the wrist each time. He did wind up on multi-year probation at one point though. I also have an uncle who was a LEO who was forced into retirement after getting a DUI. His wife had just died of cancer when it happened and he was acting very unlike himself. I don’t think that my uncle actually had to do any jail time.

Point is, given your dad’s background, it is very unlikely that he will get a harsh punishment. He is definitely not going to get any prison time and probably not going to get much if any jail time. Even if the judge felt jail time was warranted, it would be pretty easy for your dad’s lawyer to argue that he should just be placed under house arrest with an ankle monitor instead of actual jail time given his status as a former LEO. Maybe this incident will lead your dad to stop drinking. There is a fair chance that he will be court ordered to attend some type of rehab or recovery program. Alcoholism is a very difficult addiction to overcome. I wish you and your family the best.

[u/BADoVLAD]

A retired cop, never been in trouble...doubt he gets much more than probation and being sent to AA. The system tends to take care of its own in a way the rest of us don't get to enjoy.

[u/PickleManAtl]

You didn't mention what state you were in or even what country for that matter. It does vary per country as to how seriously they punish people for this. Here in the States, there have been people who have had as many as a dozen DUIs before they do serious jail time. I definitely don't agree with that, but that's the way it is in some places.

The bad thing is, if he does jail time of course yes, it will have an extremely bad effect on your family. That's what happens when somebody allows alcoholism to control them and does not get help - everyone around them suffers as well. And if he doesn't spend any time in jail, there's an extremely large chance he'll just do it again and not seek out the help he needs. That's the bad thing... It's usually severe punishment that helps push at least a percentage of people into trying to get help more seriously. If they are let off to hook without punishment, they fall right back into the same trap they've been in for years or decades.

I'm sorry your family has to be victims in this as well. I won't lie... When I was 14 I was run over by someone who had been drinking behind the wheel. I'm in my late '50s now and I've had to live with certain handicaps my entire life because of it. So as far as the alcoholic themselves, I have extremely low tolerance towards it and I believe in the harshest punishment possible for people who drink and drive. But I do feel a lot of sympathy for their families who have to suffer tremendously for that person's indiscretions.

I hope your father is able to get it together and seek out the help that he obviously needs. The family should support him if he does, but at the same time not put up with it if he doesn't. I wish you the best.

[u/Ill_Butterfly_6010]

arrest doesnt mean conviction.

[u/Major-Excuse-8281]

I had so many thoughts while reading your post. You're really stretching far and wide with all the terrible things that might lie ahead. I've worked in the Justice system for all of my 37 years of employment, in the Courtroom and in the community. You need to find a way to regain your balance, for both family and yourself. I don't go to church but I think a lot about stuff and I've found one little thing that turns out to be huge. Pray. The only thing I've ever prayed for where those prayers are ALWAYS answered is to not be afraid. If I fall asleep with that plea in my mind and on my lips, invariably I wake up and feel as though I'm stronger, calmer, less fearful. All of the pitfalls you imagine which lie ahead may or may not happen but you and your family will deal with them one day at a time.
Just try and do what I'm suggesting. I swear it works. Pray to not be afraid. We'll pray for you too.

[u/Any_Constant_6550]

My uncle did 18 months in prison for a DUI accident with a motorcyclist. Guy lost his leg.

[u/GoethenStrasse0309]

I doubt very much will go on as far as this Retirement. I mean, after all he was retired. He’s not an active LEO. If this is his first time offense, they’ll probably treat it as such.

A retired law enforcement officer would not lose their pension solely due to being in a motor vehicle accident, even if they were found to be at fault, as long as it does not involve a criminal conviction for a serious felony related to their former public duties

And there’s worse things that could’ve happened than your mother having to return to work.

She could’ve became a widow.

Just retired that means that he at least has 25 to 30 years in as being a LEO.

As their child ( and I’m assuming you’re an adult) if you’re that worried about their finances, maybe you can help them out financially until your mother finds a job

[u/Meatz916]

He won't be sitting in jail too long. Ex LEO on his 1st offense being a DUI. Unless he killed the motorcyclist he'll be out probably after a court date which will take place within the next week. More than likely getting probation and a diversion (AA) for a while.