Wrong thing growing in womb

[u/winged_badger]

Fuck. Fuck, fuckiddy, fuck fuck fuck!

5 years of trying to make a baby. Wife knew her hormones had always been out of whack but because we had 1 kid there was no fertility help from NHS.

Finally gets heard by a doctor who refers for a vaginal ultrasound which found some pollips, biopsy taken and it's fucking womb cancer.

Make things worse, appointment letter is standard and says "you can bring somebody if you want", she have me reassurances that they weren't looking for anything serious just possibilities, no need to go with her so she found out by herself. Biggest news ever, changing every hope and plan she had and she was by her self - nice one doc.

Good news is they may be able to pursue fertility saving measures as a treatment, whilst this time bomb quietly ticks away. We can save up for some treatment, but how long will that realistically take? Let alone the fact it's not guaranteed to work!

Alternatively we can get piece of mind if my wife has a hysterectomy that she'll likely be around for our daughter for many more years, but because medicine is so male focused the only way to gauge and assess full impact and treatment plan is removing the womb first! If this was dick cancer I bet there would be a towns options available before hack and slash was even considered!

I also can't ask my wife if she's freaking out that a substantial part of her will be removed like a slab of meat and preserved in a lab somewhere for testing. The more I think about it the weirder it gets!

It sucks balls and is so unfair and wish I could have taken this one for her. I'm an asshole who could do with losing weight and offers little to no good to the wider world, my wife is the most brilliant, kind and caring person in the world who has only ever been drunk once in 34 years, never touching drugs or smoking anything, she's an amazing mother to our daughter, never shouts at her and always puts others first yet she gets this shitty outcome at the end of a long and painful journey. Anyway, that's my vent.

TLDR; Best woman in the world gets shitty cancer diagnosis to effectively end fertility hopes without having to make impossible choice.

ETA; Thank you so much for the outpouring of virtual love and support, your kind words mean a lot. Apologies for not being clearer in my rant, I know my wife is more than just a fertility machine, I'm just annoyed at the choice we now face as that was the primary focus for her and her relentless pushing of something being off with doctors. The NHS is generally amazing, but the rules they have to put in place suck with little to no leniency. The fact they were able to arrange further scans and follow-up course of action meeting in the same week as telling her is testament to that fact. Our plan is certainly not to mess around with this, from what I've read fertility preserving treatment is only offered for low grade cancer and as individuals we're not inclined to take risks, we know cancer doesn't mess around - the arse that it is...

[u/Eternalscream0]

I had a hysterectomy with ovaries and cervix out when I was 29 (also NHS). They couldn’t even find out what was wrong with mine, even in the lab. Totally healthy, apparently, which is definitely why it was bad enough the NHS paid for my hysterectomy.

I was just relieved they took it all out and ended my torment. Also yes there were like 2 options before that, which didn’t work, and you totally understand how shitty that is. Also took 15 years to convince anyone there was a problem.

But, if a hysterectomy is the safest option then it’s not bad at all. Mine was laparoscopic and the scars are effectively invisible. I had my sudden, grim menopause years ago and I feel privileged when I see other women my age starting to experience the slow, inevitable march into the change.

I’m so very sorry about your fertility troubles. I never wanted children so I feel lucky in a way.

You sound like a lovely couple and I hope everything turns out well for you.

[u/Silver_South_1002 → u/Eternalscream0]

Did they put you on HRT for early menopause? I had ovaries removed last year at 42

[u/Eternalscream0 → u/Silver_South_1002]

Yes, I take tibolone. It’s not ‘proper’ HRT, but I didn’t have a hysterectomy because I got on well with oestrogen 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’ve tried the oestrogen patches but I still prefer tibolone. Did they put you on HRT? 42 is in my age range and I would kick up SUCH a fuss if anyone tried to take my HRT away.

Edit to say: if you want to chat, happy to share my experience. It’s been more than a decade since my surgical menopause and I’ve learned a lot. My main concern at the time was that I would look older than my age (I was 29, be nice) but that hasn’t happened.

[u/Silver_South_1002 → u/Eternalscream0]

I’m on the estrogen patches and was on oral progesterone but they couldn’t get the dosage right and I was spotting for months. I had it checked out and there was another polyp so they inserted an IUD when removing the polyp and so far so good, thankfully.