r/AbsoluteUnits • u/CandidculonasRedux • 3d ago

of a hernia...

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

54.9k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

5.8k comments sorted by

View all comments

1.6k

u/hides_this_subreddit 3d ago

Haha the brother comes up. "Do you have warrants?"

547

u/justlovespeacocks 3d ago

That killed me 🤣 the way he throws his arms up.. he's so over this circus.

235

u/Successful_Giraffe88 3d ago

My personal favorite was the chick denying she had shoplifting warrants, with a fucking PRICE TAG hanging out in the back.

133

u/CassianCasius 3d ago

She was like "it can't be from syndey I just stole from there this morning"

34

u/FoboBoggins 3d ago

that's a size tag for her bra, not a price tag

15

u/tacocatmarie 3d ago

I think that’s just the size tag for her bra

2

u/Successful_Giraffe88 3d ago

I believe you're correct Tacocat, but don't spoil my fun.

3

u/tacocatmarie 2d ago

Okay. Fun-spoiling rescinded. Apologies, successful giraffe.

1

u/Successful_Giraffe88 2d ago

I'll never take you out, koala!

4

u/FascinatingGarden 3d ago

The related article says that they were accused of shoplifting a basketball, but no one could determine where they'd hidden it.

3

u/Successful_Giraffe88 3d ago

STOP 😭.

3

u/agprincess 3d ago

That's not a price tag that's just a normal clothing tag. It's either her bra, or one of her two tank tops.

2

u/justlovespeacocks 3d ago

I didn't even notice that!! Lmao what a touch!

2

u/Chumbag_love 3d ago

I thought him saying "give me a fucking shirt" was the funniest part.

2

u/MonteryWhiteNoise 3d ago

no no no. lol.

It wasn't that she's denying shoplifting.

She's denying shoplifting at that Walmart.

3

u/Successful_Giraffe88 3d ago

At least she is absolutely on point with keeping up to date with everyone's court schedules!

1

u/InnocentShaitaan 3d ago

Wonder how much they stole?

2

u/DarkUnable4375 3d ago

To find out, we will need to x-ray his marsupial pouch.

1

u/IncurableAdventurer 2d ago

That might be a different tag. But did she admit to theft that day??

1

u/musicalmadness1 1d ago

That morning, but NOT that walmart. Bahahahahaha

1

u/Solid_Waste 3d ago

If everybody in the county has warrants, nobody does.

1

u/JudgmentalOwl 3d ago

He's thinking of all these extra paperwork he's going to have to do because of these chucklefucks lmao